Transcript: HER With Amena Brown episode 3

Amena Brown:

Hey you all. Hey. So I have taken to giving you a couple of to-do items as we are leading up to Election Day. As of the release of this episode, we are 20 days from Election Day. So here are some to do items to think about for this week coming up. Number one, make sure you come up with your voting plan. Decide if you want to vote with an absentee ballot, or if you would like to cast your vote in person.

Amena Brown:

If you decide that you want to vote with an absentee ballot, there are many great websites that you can check out to make sure that you can fill out your application for your absentee ballot, as well as finding out how to get your absentee ballot to the right place. Some places are allowing you to drop it off, some places are asking you to mail it. So you want to make sure you get all of that information. This is a part of coming up with your voting plan.

Amena Brown:

And if you decide you're going to cast your vote in person, you may want to think about bringing a few things. First of all, you definitely want to bring a mask because we are still in a pandemic. You may want to bring a chair if there are going to be long lines of waiting in case you may need to have a seat for a while. You may need some snacks, or water, or hand sanitizer, or disinfectant wipes. Think about the things that might be a little bit of a survival kit of sorts that you could have with you if you are going to cast your vote in person.

Amena Brown:

Also, my number two thing to tell you is to make sure that you vote early if possible. We are 20 days from election day today. That means there are probably most states, counties, cities that are going to have some early voting available for you. Try and do that if you can. What that does is it evens out the amount of us that are going to vote, and we are hoping huge amounts of people are going to vote. We want to make sure you do that as early as possible, hopefully, that will decrease the weight and make it so that people who are not able to vote early can have election day to vote if that's the only time for them.

Amena Brown:

To help with your voting plan, visit rockthevote.org. I'm trying to give shout outs to some sites that are really helpful. If you know of any other sites that you recommend, please let me know on social media. I would love to hear that. And if you forget all these links and stuff, you can go to the show notes at amenabrown.com/herwithamena and find out all this information there.

Amena Brown:

And my third to-do item for you is if you are available, sign up to be a poll worker. Here in Georgia where I live, all of the times that I have gone to vote, most of the poll workers have been elders in our community. And right now, during the pandemic, we want to protect our elders and our senior citizens, we want to be able to keep them as COVID-free as we can. And one of the ways that we can do that, that we can prevent there being a pull worker shortage is by volunteering to be poll workers.

Amena Brown:

And actually, it's not quite volunteering because being a poll worker is a paid gig as well. So you can definitely go to powerthepolls.org to check out more information about that. And again, you can go to the show notes and get this information. We want to make sure that the people in our communities are able to cast their votes, we want to make sure that we are able to cast our votes, so these are good things. Come up with your voting plan, vote early if possible, and if you're available, sign up to be a poll worker. These are the things we do to make sure that we can get our voices heard.

Amena Brown:

Hey everybody, another episode of HER with Amena Brown, and I am happy to be back here with you all. This is so great. We're finding a rhythm. I'm hearing from you all, getting some ratings and reviews. I love to see it. I love to get to interact with you. So please, please comment, email, smoke signal, whatever you have, send me those things. I want to hear from you.

Amena Brown:

So one thing I discovered about myself recently is what kind of alcohol beverage I prefer. I am a late bloomer people. So I know, I just turned 40 years old and I'm just now figuring this out. And I don't know, you may go through different seasons of time knowing what kind of drink person you are. In general, I'm a lightweight, meaning I have one or two drinks and that's a wrap for me.

Amena Brown:

I also realized I don't always pace myself very well on how quickly I am taking on the drink, so that might be an issue too. But I want to announce to you all something that I have discovered about myself. I wanted to share it with you. I have discovered that I am a cocktail lady. I thought for a while that I was a wine lady kind of like how, when you're watching Real Housewives, almost all of the franchises, it's all built around, at some point, somebody in somebody's house gathering around a glass of wine. And I was like, maybe I am this lady.

Amena Brown:

But I have discovered through a home-made mojito that I am a cocktail lady. I enjoy it. There's all this creativity that you can put into it. There are these herbs and fruits and essence of the this and that, that you can pair with it. So I would like your favorite cocktail recipes. I would like you to hit me up on the socials and tell me, what are your favorite cocktails, and what are your favorite cocktail recipes?

Amena Brown:

Because this pandemic time, and we still are in a pandemic, everyone, just wanted to say that out loud in case it's hard to remember, but we are still in the middle of a pandemic, so we are still needing to try our best to not have to go out a lot for unnecessary things. We are also needing to try our best to wear a mask when we are not at home. And for some of us, even when you are at home, depending on who else lives with you, you might have certain moments that may require you to wear a mask. But yes, I just want to say that out loud because sometimes, people forget that we're in a pandemic.

Amena Brown:

So anyway, during this pandemic time, I have had to learn how to be a part of making some things from home. So I tried a mojito from home, and you all, this is great. These mint leaves with the rum, and I tried one with the strawberries, the lime juice, I mean, so I'm a cocktail lady. I feel like in my older, seasoned age, I hope I find myself just having a rum and Coke in the evening sometimes. That is who I am. So which one are you? Are you more of a cocktails person? Are you more of a wine or beer person? Or are you a person that's like, none of these for me, and here is my drink that I have that comforts me.

Amena Brown:

Sometimes for me, that's just a sparkling water. I didn't think that I was going to be a person that loves sparkling water. I'm not a LaCroix person, but there are some others like sparkling water brands that I really like, and I didn't think that I would get into that because I was like, why would you want to have something that tastes like a soda, but it's minus all the things that make a soda delicious? So that was my response to sparkling water at first, but now, I'm totally on board. That can be a very comforting drink to have at the end of the day. So let me know your thoughts. I want your cocktail recipes, and I want to know which type of drink is your drink for comfort? Share with me.

Amena Brown:

So I want to talk about something that I have experienced, that many people have experienced, and that is being broke. And I want to talk about being broke because being broke can also be a great place to build your creativity and innovation. And if you've ever been broke, you know this is true because being broke forces you to have to think about what you can do with the little bit of money that you might have. And maybe you're listening and you're like, I don't know what being broke is.

Amena Brown:

Being broke is the gap between the money you make and the bills and expenses you have to pay. And to the extent that that is sizable is to the extent of how broke you are. And I experienced being broke growing up sometimes, I also experienced being broke in my adulthood. And I feel like that brokenness hit me differently because it was up to me to feed myself. So I want to talk about in particular, the food lessons that I have learned from being broke.

Amena Brown:

One of the things that learned is how to replicate dishes from my favorite restaurants because when you're broke, you can't afford to be eating out like that. So one of the first dishes I learned how to make was Maggiano's Chicken Marsala, because I was like, this dish is delicious. However, I only have $20 to make it the next two weeks, which means I can't blow my $20 on one dish of chicken Marsala. So, that is how I learned how to make that. And it actually was not that hard to make, and for close to the price of what you would pay for the one dish at Maggiano's, you got a whole meal for yourself that you could eat a few days. Let's talk about that.

Amena Brown:

Also, I learned to replicate one of my favorite fast food drinks, Sonic Drive-in's Limeade. Sonic has a lot of nostalgic feelings with me because my high school in San Antonio, Texas, shout out to San Antonio, shout out to Judson High School, my high school was across the street from a Sonic. So I went to that same Sonic my first date ever. And we would go to that Sonic and hang out after school all the time. So I have a lot of great memories of that limeade.

Amena Brown:

And you might be saying, limeades are not that expensive. Yeah, but when you're broke and you're having to choose between keeping the lights on or going out to eat a bunch of fast food, then you will learn quickly that maybe a can of Shasta and one container of strawberries and one lime can get you further maybe than you going and buying a limeade every time you want one. Also, being broke taught me the food lesson of making the cheapest but most filling meals possible. And I have to give an extra shout out to my grandma on this because my grandma taught me the power of the salad.

Amena Brown:

And I don't mean the salad that has lettuce in it. I'm talking about the salad that's basically the base of it is like eggs, Mayo or Miracle Whip, depending on how you are, where you were raised, et cetera, relish, but you can add all sorts of other proteins to this. So the basic one is the egg salad where it's just chopped up boiled eggs, relish, and Mayo, basically. But put that on some toasted bread and I'm just telling you, it is a life changing moment. It is very delicious. Then if you have the means, you can also do a tuna fish salad. Same situation as the egg salad. Now, you're just adding tuna into that. If you have a little more means, chicken salad.

Amena Brown:

So my grandma taught me these things because that's something you can pull together real cheap. I know we're still in a pandemic time. If you even have that rotisserie chicken, you can cut that up, make some chicken salad. The purpose of what you want to be doing when money is low but mouths must be fed is you want to be thinking about what you can make most cheaply that can last the longest amount of time. So I learned these initial lessons from my grandmother, I took them on into my little first apartment. I remember when I was living in my first apartment ever, I think I was about 27 years old, and my apartment had faux granite and I was very proud of that faux granite.

Amena Brown:

I was super, super proud of it. I remember when people would come over and I would have just enough money to buy one container of orange juice. And then they'd come over, you're trying to offer them something to drink. They pour a tall glass of juice, and I feel tight in my chest because I'm like, could you have just gotten like a shortcut? And then I don't know if you've ever experienced this where you invited somebody over to your home, they pour something to drink, but then they don't drink the whole thing?

Amena Brown:

And if you have ever been to the level of broke where you were just so pissed that now this half drunk glass of juice that you paid for ... It really brought home to me the things that my mother was dealing with at home because when you're a teenager, you just walking around, taking a bite out of stuff, leaving it, forgetting about it. But getting your own place and get a job and realize how much of a struggle it is just to buy those things, that those things that when you were growing up were like basics at home are now like a luxury at your house.

Amena Brown:

So what am I saying to you? If you find yourself in a broke or in a financially lean moment, there are ways you can use this to bring out your own creativity. Make up some different meals. You can bring out some innovation. Figure out some ways to do this for the low, low, low, but let it build your creativity because you're going to need them skills. You're going to need to know how to make a lot out of a little bit. And that is our lesson for the day.

Amena Brown:

This week, I'm really excited to welcome Ifeoma Ike to our HER living room. Ifeoma's interview was completed prior to the pandemic, but I believe that the things that she has to say are so timely because of the work that she's done inside of the system of our government, as well as outside, and how we can affect change, whether we find ourselves inside the system of government or outside the system of government. So as we are leading up to election season, let's get some tips and some wisdom from Ifeoma Ike. Check out our conversation.

Amena Brown:

So first of all, let me tell you all that Ify and I are a great Facebook story, and apparently, right now Facebook needs some good stories. So we are a good Facebook story because we actually met at an event in New York. This was over 10 years ago.

Ifeoma Ike:

It was.

Amena Brown:

I feel crazy to even say that, Ify.

Ifeoma Ike:

It was because wow, I've been an attorney this year for 10 years. So I met you while I was in law school.

Amena Brown:

Wow. Yeah, we met at an event, which I forgot that we met there. I just think that Ify is amazing. And I've been watching her posts and all this amazing work she's been doing in New York, in DC, and there was one time I commented and you commented back. I was like, oh my God, she commented back to me. So I've been really-

Ifeoma Ike:

It was respectful admiration. It could have easily been shocking if neither one of us liked each other, but it was a respect, like oh, dope, Amena the poet knows me? Okay. Of course, I'll respond back. So yeah, it was definitely mutual. If you were definitely somebody that I couldn't take, I'd be like, security, I'd like to report flag on the field.

Amena Brown:

So it's so funny that when I was writing, Ify, to be like, hey girl, I want to interview you for this podcast. But I think I was like, I don't know if you know me, but we have these mutual friends and I have so much respect for this work you've been doing. And if she's reading the message, girl, I met you at this event in New York. Goodbye. So I'm so glad.

Ifeoma Ike:

[crosstalk 00:16:24]. I was like, "Girl, you know me." And you were like, "Really?" And then I thought about it and I was like, "Well yeah, you know me like we knew each other if we was waiting in a long line at Starbucks," which we'll get to in a second. But yeah, it was one of those, I guess first impressions. As cheesy as it sounds, first impressions, I feel like on both ends were so great. So I'm so grateful that you asked me to be on your podcast. And congratulations, just excited for you and your show.

Amena Brown:

I was like, I have to get Ify on here to talk about The Body Politic, which if you're not familiar with this term, The Body Politic is basically to imagine that our political landscape is itself a body.

Ifeoma Ike:

Yes.

Amena Brown:

That it is all interconnected. And hopefully, we want to approach that in a communal way. Ify will tell us how that's going. I'd love to start with an origin story. And I am curious to hear from you, this career that you've had in government, and law, and policy, and politics, if you imagined that life for yourself when you were young, like I remember when I was about eight years old, I was a latchkey kid. Some of you all are like, what's a latchkey.

Amena Brown:

Anyway, this is when your parents work in and they are like, I will not be able to pick you up from school. You will get yourself home from the bus or you will walk home. I will give you this key. And my mom threatened me within an inch of my life like, "When you get into the house, you're going to lock the door. I don't want nobody in my house. You're going to watch TV for 30 minutes, you're going to that homework, you're going to eat those snacks I got from Sam's, and I'm going to see you when I get home."

Amena Brown:

Now, a couple of times I spent my 30 minutes of TV watching Eddie Murphy's Delirious on VHS. Now, this is not for eight year olds, but it is one of the first moments as a kid that I was watching that man on stage with a microphone and a stool and there was something in me going, that is something I want to do. Did you have a moment like that as your younger self, or did this become this other iteration later in your life?

Ifeoma Ike:

So it's weird. It's also why I hate titles because I feel like my origin story as far as being an attorney is probably different than my origin story of a lot of other things that I feel like I am as well, including before I went to law school, I was in grad school for research. So I thought I was going to be a psychologist. And even before I went there and even up until now, there's a whole different community of folks that know me as a writer and an artist. So I feel like my path to law was one of both accident, and then one of obviously, divine something or else. So to say, I don't know if I should be credited as much as actually taking the right steps towards becoming a lawyer.

Ifeoma Ike:

I would be lying though if I didn't say that the influence of Clair Huxtable is not real in my life. Clair Huxtable was probably one of the more eloquent debaters. She mastered the art of debating without letting you even debate. If she was correct, then that actually just ended the conversation. And in a Nigerian household where the only thing that ends up conversation was my father, who I still believe is the original lawyer in my family, I think I've always been a nerdy kid and I always had a lot of information, but I was always looking for, what are the examples of people that could beat my father?

Ifeoma Ike:

And I'm pretty sure Clair Huxtable could beat, I'm pretty sure Felicia Rashad to this day could beat my father and an argument. And that gives me so much joy. So I would say that looking back, that was probably a very subliminal messaging tool that just allowed me to at least know that I could do it. That I, at least knew I could debate. And grown up in an immigrant family as the oldest of five, our journeys are often not as discussed, and I think especially when you're in a Nigerian household and people talk about like, oh, you guys are ... Well, depending on who you talk to, we're either really brilliant, or we're the senders of an email scam that on behalf of my community, I'm sorry.

Ifeoma Ike:

But I will say that there are all these assumptions that you have to have been well off, you have to have always been great in all of your subjects, math and science had to have been your strongest subjects. And I will say that math and science were actually strong. Math more than science. Math was a strong subject for me all through my life. Science, not so much. And it actually wasn't until high school that I actually started literally becoming this lover of all things science. And I think the combination of math, science, and of course, my love for art and literature is that in many sense, all of them are extremely logical.

Ifeoma Ike:

Even in the fluidity of art, even if it's just logical to the maker, it's still logical. And I just wanted to be a part of something that made sense. I loved solving problems. So geometry was amazing because geometry, to me, was like Tetris. Like, okay, well, if this is a square, prove it. And so that, I think coupled with the fact that as I got older and became a little bit more socially aware of my being, first my Blackness, then my immigrantness, then my poorness, I will say that it actually took some time, and we'll talk about this later, for me to also add what gender and orientation and all those things, how they played into my life.

Ifeoma Ike:

Because if we're honest with ourselves, as Black girls, we're not often taught about the injustices that we face as girls, we're taught the injustices we face as Black people. So that was very prominent for me. And I was always looking with how to address those issues, but I also happened to be an environment where I wasn't necessarily with other people that I would consider today as comrades. So I went undergrad and grad school in West Virginia University, not exactly the backdrop of diversity.

Ifeoma Ike:

And that was difficult because I'm involved in a lot of students leadership stuff, but I wasn't necessarily around colleagues or even friends that looked like me that were there to want to address the issues. And I started realizing that we can all be aware, but I wasn't comfortable being aware and not conscious. And I think that that's something that can happen. You can be aware of an issue, that doesn't make you cautious.

Ifeoma Ike:

Fast-forward, during law school, my grandmother was murdered, she was murdered in Nigeria, and that tripped me out because I had a lot of questions for my parents. And I remember asking, "Who's going to investigate this?" And they both gave me this look like, what the heck are you talking about? And that's when I think my global awareness was at least highlighted to know that every country doesn't have at least the tools or the words on paper like we have in the United States. And for those that even have that, because their situations and their traditions and norms are just as corruptible, just corrupted in a different way, that I also didn't have.

Ifeoma Ike:

I wasn't equipped to know who to call in Nigeria to be like, "Can you investigate the murder of my grandmother?" So in a weird way, I kind of always knew that law and justice are not the same thing, and I'm also very clear that we've never really seen justice in the way that it's romanticized as something that's an outlet that all people deserve.

Ifeoma Ike:

But I do think that I've always been interested in A, understanding the foundations of this thing called justice that I think, in a lot of ways, American-ness is like it romanticizes it, and then B, sharing that knowledge with other communities and recognizing that whether it's law or research, which was its own space of frustration, that our communities are severely either underrepresented as subject matters or were underestimated as far as service.

Ifeoma Ike:

So it's kind of a tricky route how I got there. I think when I was younger, I felt like I was going to ... I remember distinctly saying I was going to be a doctor. Half of my scholarships for undergrad were in engineering and the other half were in pharmacy. So I was definitely always that confused kids. I also write with both hands. So I'm always confused. I'm always like, no, I want to of course jump a rope and solve this physics problem at the same damn time. I'm always all over the place.

Ifeoma Ike:

But I think law at least keeps me grounded as to understanding the rules as it's been presented to us, and then finding ways to disrupt the same system that we've been told to be in love with. And that's a challenge. And I don't even think I've mastered that. I feel like I'm still in that process, but that is kind of my origin story as far as law.

Amena Brown:

Tell me more about law school. I'm going to be really honest that I do have some friends that went to law school, but I was not close with them during the time they were in law school. So law school, in my mind, it's like a combination of LA Law. And what finals was like in undergrad, but all the time. How you would feel when it was finals in undergrad. People are not showering and they're running around shuffling papers and going to Kinko's. Somebody is like, what's a Kinko's? Okay. But just a lot of like papers and busyness of things. And that's basically all I imagined when my friends were like, I'm going to law school.

Amena Brown:

And I'm also curious, when we talk about education and we think about those postgraduate degrees, how the further we get along in our education, the less we see women sometimes, the less we see people of color or women of color. So what was that experience like for you making this choice now to go to law school and being a woman, being a Black woman, being a woman of color? How did you experience that through those different layers of who you are?

Ifeoma Ike:

That's a really amazing question. And I would actually love to hear this response from other colleagues that I went to law school with, and even people that have contemplated going to law school as far as what decisions matter to them when they go to school. So I applied to 13 different law schools. I got in to 11, which is to say, I wasn't really picky with the exception of two, one of which was Howard, and the other one was where I ended up going to, which was CUNY Law School. CUNY Law School is known as the only public interest law school with all of the accredited laws.

Ifeoma Ike:

And based off of even what I just told you, I felt like off-mission. As somebody who wanted to use law to advance the progress for all peoples, it was a no brainer. And it was in New York. It was in New York, that year was a best buy, you're Googling and you're seeing this school's connected to the largest public legal clinic to citizens of New York, which largely serves marginalized and underrepresented communities. Everything checks the box. This is it. This is probably the furthest thing from where I went to undergrad and grad school. CUNY Law also prided itself in being diverse, which mattered to me on paper. I will say that law school as an institution, I don't care where you go, is a very hostile place.

Amena Brown:

Wow.

Ifeoma Ike:

It is hostile. It doesn't mean you can't have fun, and I would say, even if you went to an HBCU Law School, which is where my sister went, she went to NCCU, that it still has things that as a Black person, you almost have to stop, take a breather, and be like, what's actually happening. Are they reprogramming me? Because law is a new language.

Ifeoma Ike:

And that's the thing that people don't understand, is that there are words that they throw out like prima facie, and [inaudible 00:29:32], and even words that we use all the time, like that's my MO, which stands for modus operandi and what that means in criminal law. You are literally learning a new language, but you are also, in many ways, learning a culture.

Ifeoma Ike:

And when you're in a space where you're learning so much information and a culture, you don't have a lot of moments to stop and question either. Like why are some of these things called the way that they're called? Or why are there certain exceptions or certain procedures that apply to criminal court cases that don't apply to civil court cases?

Ifeoma Ike:

And how do those distinctions impact a system that over-incarcerates people of color? Things like that. You're there trying to figure out how you're going to get out semester by semester. Not even in three years. The three years actually goes by really quickly. It's the semester by semester feeling that you accurately mentioned is like a perpetual. You feel like you're being tested every day.

Ifeoma Ike:

So CUNY Law was progressive, but like most schools, was not equitable. They still had some racial issues. They still had some tensions between wanting to stand for social justice, but then also conforming to these traditional standards that all law schools have. And I would say they lacked racial and ethnic diversity with teachers. Although, if you were to ask them, I think that they felt like they were doing, and they probably were doing better than most other schools outside of HBCU law schools.

Ifeoma Ike:

This year marks my 10-year graduation from law school. And I am frequently asked to speak at my JD at alma mater. I also went to GW in DC for my LLM. But I speak to students and I tell them the truth when I'm asked about my experience, but I also tell them that it's not that much better anywhere else. In some ways, it's like you kind of got to grin and bear it. You will have amazing opportunities. You'll build a tribe. You'll build a squad.

Ifeoma Ike:

One of my independent studies while in law school had actually nothing to do with a legal concept. It actually had to do with the admissions criteria into law school. And why we rely so heavily on the LSAT as the tool to get us into law school, even though it has not been shown as a highly necessary tool on the other side, which is when you're applying for the bar. And it's also interesting what criteria we don't use to admit students into law school, like oral advocacy and debating, which people of color clearly, that's a skill that any kid down the street has already mastered before they're even at the age of 10.

Ifeoma Ike:

So I really question what that means as far as the larger establishment, the larger accrediting body who are the types of individuals that you actually want to be successful on the other side. And there are all these screening criteria, but both overt and covert that work together to basically funnel out this group of individuals that society isn't even aware of. As a student, you're not even aware of that you have been selected for a reason, and that also means that there have been other people that have not. So, I mean, other than that, I feel like for those that are considering going to a law school, be clear upfront that you want to be a leader when you go in.

Ifeoma Ike:

And it doesn't have to be a loud leader, it doesn't have to be a formal leader, but there are things that being in law school at a time where Katrina happened, at a time where Sean Bell was killed, he was actually killed very close to where our law school was at, and for you all listeners, Sean Bell was the young man who was killed the morning of his wedding in Queens, New York, our school at that time was in Queens, New York, so our mind set, the location we were at, Art Street where our law school was, was a post-911 checkpoint.

Ifeoma Ike:

So many of the men of color were late every day to class because they were just getting stopped and frisked before they got into the classroom. Being in that type of a backdrop, we recognized that we are in law school, but it doesn't negate the fact that we are human first. We are people of color. We are impacted by the things that impact our clients. And we were going to make sure that we used our space within the law school to further build our advocacy skills. So definitely, a mixed bag as far as feelings about law school. But it definitely was a good, I guess, testing ground for myself, who was interested in advocacy.

Amena Brown:

One of the things I hear in that story and that I also hear reflected in PoliTea, so for those of you who have not subscribed, listen now and subscribe to PoliTea. You need to do this. But one of the things that you and Turquoise have talked about is the importance of affecting change. And that sometimes when we are entering what we're thinking, this is a field where I will be able to affect change, that sometimes there are things that happen that in a PR way, or in a thing that looked good for a photograph or looked good on a video, but actually didn't change anything for the people who are really being impacted by the way our laws are set up.

Amena Brown:

So I want to ask you, as an attorney and activist, you have been a part of affecting change while working inside of the government system, which takes its own sense of grace to even do because you're affecting change inside of a system that wasn't built for everyone and is broken in a lot of ways. But you are going inside there to affect change. And you also have done work where you have worked to affect change outside of that system. So what's it like to have both of those experiences to affect change inside of a system and outside of it as well?

Ifeoma Ike:

So I am blessed that I can say that there are certain things that I have done that have visibly changed something in the lives of people that I know, communities that maybe were under-discussed or under-prioritized in certain spaces. I will say that. And I often caution people as to how we measure change because sometimes, if we don't see things moving fast enough, we think that change is not happening.

Ifeoma Ike:

And I think, in a lot of ways, some of what was happening around the larger movement for Black lives was that people, especially those who weren't at all in part of the movement, but people that I would like to say were more so spectators and watching on the sides, understandably part of what they were watching was there is a different measure of what change looks like.

Ifeoma Ike:

When you are saying this in an instance where you are a Black person in America, your reality of your day-to-day being profiled, being second-guessed at work, microaggressions, all of those things happen on a daily basis. So the type of change you're looking for is something that in a lot of ways erases all of the negative Black experiences that you're going through. And anything short of that is not change at all. For somebody who feels like they are called to do something about that, you can be really, really dismayed and disheartened if that is the measure of what change is for you.

Ifeoma Ike:

And it doesn't mean that that isn't your goal, but I think for me, I've always kept in mind that again, being logical, we can be really logical about one thing, and I feel like it's the question that I start with before I decide if I'm going to enter a space or not. And that question is Ify or Ify as my parents would call me, Ify, when you go into a space, what will be different after you leave than when you came? And I think in some ways, this is also a question that many advocates and activists don't ask themselves before they do certain activities.

Ifeoma Ike:

I'll throw out an activity that's commonly used. For example, conferences. People have conferences all the time. And I have definitely been at some extremely powerful conferences. But I've also really questioned the concept of conferences. If conferences are there and marketed as something that is there to promote change, and yet after the conference is gone, other than providing money to maybe small businesses in the area, which is very, very impactful, and then of course internally, the networking that people have with each other, are we affecting the change that we're advertising?

Ifeoma Ike:

That to me is a valid question that we all should be asking ourselves about our own personal activities and our collective activities that are happening. And some of our activities that are actually not collective, to be honest with you, you can have a lot of busy people doing a lot of things. You can have a lot of busy bees, but if those bees ain't bringing in honey, then they're not affecting the change that's supposed to happen in that ecosystem.

Ifeoma Ike:

So I think that one of the things that I know about myself, which is sometimes not always a positive thing, is that I am number one impatient with injustice, I am an empath, which is akin to being a sensitive person, I'm highly just sensitive to certain things, but I also do believe that I am empowered. For me as a person of faith, I believe I am empowered by God. And I also believe that those around me can be too. And as somebody who believes that God is the ultimate artist and the ultimate creator, that means that I am not afraid.

Ifeoma Ike:

Even if I fail forward, I'm not afraid to create something if it allows for other people to be creative about our change. And I think that's what it is, as that I think that the answers to the changes we want to see force us to not necessarily use the tools that exist, but to be creative about what doesn't. So I'm more excited about creating spaces, whether it was simply just putting a hashtag called hoodies on the hill on my G-Chat when G-Chat used to be the thing.

Amena Brown:

Come on G-Chats.

Ifeoma Ike:

Come on G-Chats, that you wasn't supposed to be doing at work. Being just this lowly judicial staffer on the judiciary committee in Congress and seeing my friends status messages changing because mindset Hoodies On The Hill, and this was all in response to the murder of Trayvon Martin. And everybody's status message just started changing to Hoodies On The Hill. And then I was getting messages like, when are we doing this? I could have easily just respond and be like, this is just how I feel. This is just a status message. Nope. 18 hours later, we organized the first congressional walk out of folks that were just ...

Ifeoma Ike:

It was hot, 80 degree weather, but we all had our hoodies and we really wanted to stand there to be like, if the only impact we're making here is that you recognize that when you pass a Black staffer, that we easily could have been Trayvon, that our family members could have been Trayvon, and we're not going to let this issue be something that people are going to just say under their breath, oh, it's so sad what happened to that young Black boy in Florida. It wasn't going to happen. So, that to me was about creating something that the space in our 9:00 to 5:00 just didn't allow for, it didn't have before we entered into that space.

Ifeoma Ike:

Two years ago now. Wow. Two years ago when a group of women came together, a group of seven of us, one of which we were fortunate to link up with Sandra Bland's sister, Sharon Cooper, we came together and we were like, you know what? We can't just keep having hashtags. At that time, hashtag Say Her Name was the hashtag that people were using when a woman of color was killed. We can't just keep talking about the inequities of Black women and girls. We actually need to create a space for it.

Ifeoma Ike:

And had a little bit of knowledge of how to create that kind of space from creating similar spaces in Congress. We worked collectively with three amazing chairs in Congress, Congresswoman Bonnie Watson Coleman, Congresswoman Yvette Clarke, Congresswoman Robin Kelly, and all of us happened to be members of Divine Nine organizations in solidarity with Sandra Bland also was a member of SGRho because that's what hit home to us was that she literally could have been any of us. She was stopped on her way from a job interview that could have been ...

Ifeoma Ike:

Literally, everything about Sandra Bland really gets under my skin because it's like even within our own communities, we make exceptions for who the Black person or who the victim is of crime. And sometimes without knowing it, we create differences between ourselves. But Sandra Bland was no different than really any Black woman in America. And we urge them to create what is now the congressional caucus on Black women and girls.

Ifeoma Ike:

And anytime I am asked to come speak or help collaborate, or I'm just in that space, or I'm invited to one of the member's district events in their districts and I see the floods of women, girls, men, non-gender conforming individuals just wanting a space to talk about their issues with elected officials that now are going to carry their issues with them on their backs as their burdens, it really kind of trips me out.

Ifeoma Ike:

What were we doing before this? Our issues just weren't as much in the front and center before this. So anyway, I could ramble and ramble and ramble about it, but I do think that for people that feel like I want to make change, let me tell you where my change making started. I didn't know nothing about nothing when people were talking about, for us, I think it was called recycling. We've now evolved to say climate change. But the whole recycling era for any of the folks that are part of the 80s babies crew, recycling was a big thing. You got to put your cans, you got to put your papers here and whatever.

Ifeoma Ike:

And I remember feeling like, oh, this is huge. How do I get people around me to talk about it more? And I made a little crossword puzzle because I was infatuated with crossword puzzles, and decided to start making games around it to share with people my age because I figured we like games, to just help them understand what terms are around recycling. It didn't really go far because ain't nobody in the hood trying to really give two craps about pollution. To be very honest, we had bigger issues at that time. But I was less concerned about whether or not I would be received, I was more concerned about how I could then connect with more people about something that may just not be that interesting.

Ifeoma Ike:

And I think that is the challenge of the today advocate. It is just as important for us to break down the tax bill that just got passed in December as it is to talk about patrons in Starbucks being asked to leave. Excuse me, asked to leave would have been polite. Being arrested for being Black while waiting for their friend at a Starbucks. Both are just as important, one may just be a little bit more complicated.

Ifeoma Ike:

And so I do think that in many spaces, those who are effective at connecting with communities that are impacted by policies that maybe they don't know about, we need to start almost deploying troops into other categories so we can better explain these issues, so that all of our people can be informed, and that it can maybe spark something in somebody who's like, you know what? I do want to make a difference. I just need more information about how. Right?

Amena Brown:

Yeah. Oh, that's so good. And it makes me think about how even hearing you describe some of this, how politics is a language. I think you said that politics is a language. Law is a language. And some people are more privy than others to what the language is, to how to interpret that, to how to discern what's being said. I was telling you earlier how, when I was growing up, I was going to these AP classes and we would have our English AP class have a current events assignment where you had to write about a current event or something.

Amena Brown:

And I would watch all my other classmates come in and share their interpretations of this current event that they pulled from, like The Wall Street Journal and US News and World Report. These publications that some I had heard of, some I hadn't. In my house, my mom ... I mean, we had different things. We had James Baldwin and Tony Morrison and Alice Walker. That was more my mom's stuff that she read.

Amena Brown:

But I remember them talking about some of those things and discussing the law and discussing how they were interpreting what they read, and feeling really intimidated because I didn't understand a word they said, or because I would not have known how to articulate that. Why is it important, particularly for marginalized people to understand politics, to understand what it is that's happening?

Ifeoma Ike:

So one of the things that I hope everyone who's listening to this show, if they haven't been affirmed ever before, I want to affirm to everyone that's listening that whether you understand politics or not, you yourself as a being are political. If you accept that you are political, then you are entitled, and you are more than welcomed to act within that political framework, which means also empowering yourself with more information. But also recognize that even if you don't have the language, your experience is enough.

Ifeoma Ike:

So even as you were speaking, one of the things that I find that's so interesting and politicized is data. Everybody wants us to talk about data. Now we have Twitter, and you can literally select within an hour, see tweets that come from Newsweek, New York Times, USA Today, Washington Post, Center for American Progress. You could see research and research upon research from experts that are paid to basically, in the space of like sociopolitical context, to give analysis on domestic issues that impact our lives. Those people are seen as experts. Those people are seen as the ones that they did the research, they ran the numbers. That is what we typically would call quantitative data.

Ifeoma Ike:

But we also have qualitative data. And what is interesting about every headline that I see, when it's like 40% of millennials don't see race or studies show that Black women are treated differently at the doctors, ask any Kesha, Pam, Lil' Kim that you know, Serena Williams that you know, and they'll be like yeah, been told you all that. And the problem is nobody captures the yeah, I've been told you that. Yeah, I've been told you that is data. That is a survey. That is qualitative data. You all are only getting paid to affirm what we've been telling you all since the beginning of time.

Ifeoma Ike:

So for me, we need to devise a different way to invite people as the political beings that they are. As a Black woman, as a Black man from an immigrant family, I have no choice but to be political. I also recognize my privilege of first of all, growing up in a house where for years and years on end, we didn't even have cable. And the only thing we could watch was Thursday nights because it was the Cosby Show and A Different World, maybe a little bit of Friday nights, depending on how my dad felt when family matters came out. But everything else was PBS and news. That was it.

Ifeoma Ike:

So I was privileged to be there with a dad, which I will say for your viewers because I'm not afraid to say it, who is a conservative. For the longest, I was being groomed with that mindset. I was being taught and basically being brainwashed. And we're all being taught by someone. If you're not actively teaching yourself, you're being taught by something. And it wasn't until I started doing my own research that I'm like, some of these policies don't really help us as a people.

Ifeoma Ike:

This isn't really the thing. But I do think that to your question of, how important is it for us to be political and understand the political language, it does require being uncomfortable sometimes and being immersed in spaces where literally, all that's happening is the words around you, even if they sound like jumble, they are swarming your presence.

Ifeoma Ike:

And so part of the reason why Turquoise and I created PoliTea was not necessarily because we want it to sound like the most eloquent people in the world, not because we wanted it to sound like everything we were saying was per se fact, we wanted to invite people as they are, as we are. We wake up and do it at 5:45 in the morning. So bless your heart. There's a lot of truth that comes in at that time because we haven't had time to code switch yet.

Ifeoma Ike:

So we wake up intentionally as two Black women with all of our experiences, all of our education and lack thereof, to talk about issues that we feel like are interesting. And we hope that other people get to hear it and be like, huh, maybe I'll Google it later. And we are encouraged when we do hear that people are like, I didn't know that. That we feel like is some type of change. Just that spark.

Ifeoma Ike:

To your point really quickly before we transition to talk about how political our lives are, there's a really great study that talks about the number of words an average White kid listens to just from the mere fact of two White parents versus what a Black kid listens to regardless of whether they have one parent, two parents, what have you. And that study is compelling to me because what they're talking about is the influence without a child even thinking that words can have, that exposure can have.

Ifeoma Ike:

So those Toni Morrison books impacted you because you were exposed, even if you only knew that the books were on the wall or that Song of Solomon was over here and The Fire Next Time was over there, and Beloved was over there. Even if these were the books that your mom was like, you better not touch these books, the fact that they were there says something to you. So I do think that one of the things we have to do is identify the politics and everything, including what we're exposed to.

Ifeoma Ike:

Not just what's on MSNBC, not just what's on CNN, not just what's on Fox News, even though what's on Fox News is at Israeli News, but whatever, to really identify that everything in our lives is political. And therefore, we have to participate in both the politicized nature of the way our social constructs impact us, but also the ways that we too can empower our political being to counter those narratives.

Amena Brown:

Ify isn't just speaking a word.

Ifeoma Ike:

Sorry, you all.

Amena Brown:

I'm on here like, quotes on quotes. I'm trying to get me a mug that says yeah, I've been told you that. I really need that on a mug. We're in an age right now that politically, in our country, it's fascinating, it's heartbreaking, it's hard, it's a lot of things right now. And not that it has not been hard because we know it has. But there are some interesting things right now about in particular, this political era that we're in. What would you say are some of the ways marginalized people should make their voices heard?

Amena Brown:

I think sometimes when you're in an era like we're in, sometimes people end up in an extreme. Either they are like, oh my gosh, I have to sell all my possessions and I have to just go and protest every day. I need to boycott everyone and everything, and either go to this way extreme. Or go to this other extreme of nothing I do matters anyway. Nothing that I do is going to change anything. What would you say are some of the ways marginalized people should resist, should fight, should make sure that our voices are heard?

Ifeoma Ike:

Some practical ways, and even some of the examples that I uplifted, none of those things were done in isolation. So finding your team, even identifying the people that when you yourself are discouraged, you need to be poured into is really, really important. Collaboration can be really, really hard in a capitalist society that also values this whole independent entrepreneurial blah, blah, blah, that shares the lies of the bootstraps without thinking about who had to make the boot and who had to make the straps.

Ifeoma Ike:

So recognizing that you yourself can make a difference, can make change, and think about what would happen if 10 of you made that change. And don't necessarily focus on the 25 others that don't want to change with you because I think sometimes that's also what holds people back is being discouraged that the whole choir can't sing. Well, part of the choir problem, they shouldn't be singing and that's probably not their gifting.

Ifeoma Ike:

And so it's really about being confident about your calling, but also being humble enough to know that while there are things that are unique to you, dare to believe that there are other people that also feel the same way and are just as impassioned about this issue as you are. And then form some type of a discipline in activism. So if that's going to meetings, going to NAACP meetings, and I'm not condoning any groups, I'm just throwing out examples, going to a Black Lives Matter student rally, going to a Muslim-American anti-Islamophobia session.

Ifeoma Ike:

Or just doing something that I really admire about the Black Panthers that I wish we would get back to, which is having community quiet, sit down, reading time, where they would actually just come together with their newspapers and just sit and read. And that's how they got caught up on their current events, sitting and reading and just digesting. And it reminds me of, for those of us who grew up with newspapers, what it meant to see your mother or your father sitting at the table and just reading the newspaper and just taking that information in.

Ifeoma Ike:

I do think that there is a little bit of more discipline that we should be promoting about disciplining your advocacy muscle. And all of it is not just about rushing out and doing something. Everything is about perspective. So looking at what it means to win and don't let other people define wins for you. Recognizing that effort is valuable. And also recognize that teamwork is really huge in how you accomplish and get to whatever goals you want to see.

Ifeoma Ike:

I will say that in a society that is not going to, and especially for marginalized communities, and I can only speak for the communities that I belong to, which are quite a few, in a society that's not necessarily going to give you anything, what I appreciate about your podcast, what I appreciate about PoliTea is that, look, we don't have to be the only ones doing this. There are so many free tools out there to allow you to let your voice be heard, let the voices of other people be heard.

Ifeoma Ike:

Use that phone that you pay all that money every month for and take videos of what is going on in your community. If you want to sing about it, do it through song. If it's visually, do it visually. If you're a really good event organizer, try to find some space. Maybe it's the local Y, maybe it's the boys and girls club. Invite people in your community to use art as a way to express all of their hurt and their dreams. My inclination is to create. So it's always about, how do we create spaces for other people so that they can also be creative and they can also identify solutions?

Ifeoma Ike:

The last thing I will say, and this is kind of getting to that extreme end that you had of people that are like, I'm going to boycott everything. I am going to caveat this and say, I am no longer in this space of telling people that as long as we all do something good in the spaces that we're in, we'll see change, we'll make a difference. I dream often of what it would look like if we all did things that were simple yet radical. What would happen if every Black person who was eligible voted? Oh my God. What would really happen if we actually all voted, and all voted all the time?

Ifeoma Ike:

Does that mean that "the man" is not going to change the rules and the system again? Absolutely not. The man is still going to be the man. But what would happen if the thing that they're spending so much money to make sure we can't do, what would happen if we did that thing? What would happen if we did all boycott? So I will say that while, no, my goal as an advocate is not to necessarily organize so that we are at 100% full participation, but I do want people to envision.

Ifeoma Ike:

To take the boycott even further, and not just stop at the boycott and the impact that it's going to have to capitalism. But to really envision what that means creatively for us. Is that the new Wall Street? Does that mean that we have to fill in the gaps of practical needs, like, okay, if we boycott Nike, what does that mean for [inaudible 00:59:32]? Well, think about it. What does that mean that we're going to support? What are our new principles? What are our new values?

Ifeoma Ike:

And so I don't see boycotts as us giving up something, as in as much as us unlearning what we thought we needed to have and filling it in with something else, something us, something closer to treating us as a community as humans. So I say that and encourage folks that I do think it's going to require more of us to get uncomfortable. I don't think you can stay at your cushy job for the rest of your ... I think there are periods and times in life where you have to do that because economically, that makes sense.

Ifeoma Ike:

But I don't think that all of us going into spaces and relying on our corporate social responsibility officers or our diversity and inclusion teams to come up with a solution is going to create change. I do think people who come from various diverse backgrounds, various diverse experiences, and to an extent, those of us who are privileged in ways that we don't often identify, education and degrees being one of them, that we need to be like, thank you, Lord, for what you have provided me, I am very well aware of what I could take advantage of, but I also am not clouded by what the fight is right now.

Ifeoma Ike:

And I hope to eventually benefit from the fruits of my labor, but I also recognize that because there are so many people that are laboring and not benefiting at all, that that is worthy for me to join in the struggle with that person. So we just have to make choices, and it's okay to be hot or be cold. But I think when you straddle, that's when we have full progress. And we need to stop straddling. We need to just decide if we want change or not. If we want to be free or if we want to be safe. And the two are different.

Amena Brown:

My Lord. You all, my paper over here is full of notes. If you want to be safe. Oh gosh, please. And I love that you said two other phrases that are so powerful. One phrase you said and one idea that you described so well, the phrase you said, simple yet radical. I think that is so powerful because I think sometimes, especially when we are sitting in our comfort, thinking about being radical, we are starting to think about all the things we stand to lose from being radical. But that there are some even simple steps we can begin to take to live a more radical life, which is really more communal life.

Amena Brown:

It's to be in consideration of the people that we are in community with, not just our own losses-wins, however, we define that. And you also described creating as resistance, whether we create art or we create space. That when we create, we resist in justice. And that is so powerful. I hope you all is taking notes. Some of you all are driving. Don't take notes. But when you sit down somewhere, you need to take a note. Please tell the people how they can, first of all, stay connected to the PoliTea Podcast, how they can subscribe and do these things. And if they would also like to follow you, learn about your work, where are the best places they can get connected.

Ifeoma Ike:

With all of our Facebook, Insta, and every podcast outlet that we are on, best place to go to is politeapodcast.com. That's P-O-L-I-T-E-A-P-O-D-C-A-S-T.com. And you can literally get to all of those outlets there, including hearing the latest episode for our podcast. Also, if you want to go straight to Instagram or Twitter, we're @PoliTea_Podcast. We also have a Facebook page. So we ask that you connect with us, you share it. If you agree with us, tweet us. If I said something that's too far, I will deny it. That wasn't me. You're trying to blow me up at no conference. Or be like, what did you say on such and such? It was early. Okay. It was early in the morning. Be graceful.

Amena Brown:

I love it. Ify, thank you so much. For this week's edition of Give Her A Crown, I want to give a crown to Tracy Gates. Tracy Gates is the owner of Busy Bees here in Atlanta, which is my favorite soul food restaurant in Atlanta. And I want to give Tracy Gates a crown because Busy Bees has been a long established, not only a restaurant for just having fabulous food and fabulous soul food, but also being a restaurant that has been so central in the Black community for the Civil Rights Movement, and also, they have just banging fried chicken.

Amena Brown:

I make mac and cheese at my house. I am the person in my family that makes mac and cheese for all family gatherings. And when I have Busy Bees' mac and cheese, I still can't quite figure out why my mac and cheese don't taste like that. So I want to give a special shout out to Tracy Gates. I want to give her a crown for being a Black woman and business owner of one of Atlanta's most legacy soul food restaurants for keeping our cuisine and our culture right at the forefront. Tracy Gates, thank you for doing that, and thank you for making sure that we have a wonderful supply of fantastic dinner rolls, fried chicken, oxtails, ham hock. I could go on. Tracy Gates, you deserve that crown sis.

Amena Brown:

HER with Amena Brown is produced by Matt Owen for Sol Graffiti Productions as a part of the Seneca Women Podcast Network in partnership with iHeartRadio. Thanks for listening. Don't forget to subscribe, rate, and review the podcast.

Transcript: HER With Amena Brown episode 2

Amena Brown:

Hey everybody. Welcome to another episode of HER With Amena Brown, and I'm your host, Amena Brown. Thank you all so much for joining me for taking this new ride of HER being relaunched under Seneca Women's Podcast Network and iHeartRadio. I'm so excited. I have so many cool ideas I want to share with you all. Thank you for all of the comments you've been giving me on social media, I cannot wait to continue interacting with you all.

Amena Brown:

These episodes release on Tuesdays. So as of the Tuesday that this episode is releasing, we are 27 days from Election Day, and every election is important. And this election is very important. So I want to give you three things to do. Number one, make sure that you register to vote. Number two, check your voter registration. If you are already registered to vote, make sure that you check and make sure your status is current. We are seeing voter suppression happening all over the country here in the States. So make sure that you know that your status is current so that when you go to vote you know that your vote can be counted.

Amena Brown:

And number three, fill out your census. The census is really important. That has been extended until October 31st. So make sure if you have not filled out your census, that you do it, it does not take a long time, took me 10 minutes or less to be able to fill that out online. So let me tell you the sites that you can go to for this. To register to vote and to check your voter registration you can visit, whenweallvote.org. And I just picked this site. It's a good one. There are many great sites as well. So you can pick your favorite site to visit to make sure you are registered to vote, and if you're already registered to check your voter registration status. And in order to fill out your census, you can do this online at my2020census.gov.

Amena Brown:

Now, if you're listening to this and you're like, "Ooh girl, I already did all of those things because I'm on it, because I have it together," I am so glad you do. And your assignment will be to make sure you check with your friends, your family, your close people, check with them, make sure they're registered to vote, make sure their voter registration is current to make sure they have filled out their census. And don't worry if you cannot remember all of these links while you might be driving or cleaning up or whatever you might be doing while you're listening to this podcast, you can always get the links and information about the episodes from the show notes on amenabrown.com, that is /herwithamena. Amenabrown.com/herwithamena. You can check out the show notes there. Let's make sure that we are registered to vote, that you have filled out your census so we can make sure we get our voices heard.

Amena Brown:

I want to talk about some TV shows that are getting me through right now. And I think it's interesting to contemplate the TV shows that get us through certain situations. Like I remember going through a time where I was really, really depressed and what got me through was Real Housewives of Atlanta. Like I had never watched even a whole episode and I just started watching it from the very beginning and as crazy as it might seem, it just brought me a lot of peace of mind to watch it.

Amena Brown:

So as we are in a stressful time for some of us personally and collectively as a community and in our country, I wanted to tell you about a few TV shows that are getting me through right now. Number one, 90 Day Fiancé. And I mean all of them. 90 Day Fiancé, 90 Day Fiancé: Before the 90 Days, 90 Day Fiancé: After the 90 Days, 90 Day Fiance: The Other Way, 90 Day Fiancé Two Can Play, 90 Day Fiancé: B90. There's like 1,000 90 Day Fiancés and I am here for all of them, every single one of them.

Amena Brown:

This is the reason why 90 Day Fiancé is really getting me through this stressful time. Number one, if you were looking for an opportunity to yell at other people where they can't hear you, 90 Day Fiancé is a perfect opportunity for that. There are always quite a few people on this show to yell at. It's almost like the feeling I get when I was watching Catfish. And you're just like, you can't tell you being catfished?! Like you feel that urge to yell and save them even though they can't hear anything you have to say.

Amena Brown:

90 Day Fiancé is like that for me. It's just, I think the way I'm feeling about 90 Day Fiancé is maybe how other people feel when they watch a boxing match. It's like it gets out of them their own aggression yelling at the fighters in the ring. And basically 90 Day Fiancé is like that for me. I am yelling at these people. I'm yelling at this man who is trying to date Lana over in Russia somewhere and he refuses to believe that this lady is dodging him after he's been over there three, four, five times and that lady will not meet up with him. And yes, I yell at him. I yell at all of them.

Amena Brown:

So 90 Day Fiancé, yes, I'm here for it. Also while I'm talking about shows I like to yell at, I would like to bring up Married at First Sight. And Married at First Sight, if any of you have been following Married at First Sight from the very beginning, Married at First Sight is getting to a point now where I get to the end of the season, there are always only a small number of couples that actually stay together, and I get to the end and I just feel really lackluster and I feel upset with the experts.

Amena Brown:

And if you're not familiar with Married at First Sight, Married at First Sight is a show where three experts match couples and they don't meet each other right until they get married. And you follow them through their first couple of months being married and then at a certain point, 8 weeks or 10 weeks, however long, they go back to the experts and have to decide, do they stay married or do they get divorced? And at the end of every season, there's always a couple I really love that doesn't stay together, and there's always a couple I really hated that does. And I watch them, I yell at them, I get to the end of the season, I have regrets about how much time I've spent watching it, I have regrets about whatever the experts are doing wrong.

Amena Brown:

And then I'm like, "This show makes me so tired. Like this show is such a waste of time." And then they announce they're going to be in a new city the next season and when the start date is, and I'm definitely going to watch it all over again. So you need some shows to yell at when you're going through a stressful time. Get you some shows to yell at, 90 Day Fiancé and Married at First Sight are two great examples.

Amena Brown:

Another show, I'm back in the Real Housewives franchise here, I've never fully watched Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. I started back from the very beginning. I actually made it to the episode where the meme of the one woman and then the cat, like I actually watched that episode and I felt, I don't know, I just felt the feeling of like what you must feel if you've never seen The Godfather before and you finally see The Godfather and you get to that scene of like the horse, the horse's head in the bed. And then you think about all the other movies you've seen where they were nodding to that scene. Like that's how I felt getting to that, but you know, it was a meme instead of an amazing film.

Amena Brown:

So I am watching this from the beginning and it is ridiculous, but it's almost like if you're having a lot of drama in your own life, there's something so healing in a way about watching something where you're like, they are having much more drama in their lives than I am. There's some sort of escape to that. So yes, I am watching Real Housewives of Beverly Hills from the very beginning. I will continue to report back as I progress through the seasons. I would love to hear from you if this is also a show that you love, or if you have other tips and suggestions from me on the Real Housewives franchise overall.

Amena Brown:

I would also like to bring up number three TV show that is getting me through, The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. I am subscribed to HBO Max, which is where you can watch all episodes of the Fresh Prince. And first of all, I don't think that I've watched the Fresh Prince fully as an adult. I mean, I think I've had just some times in the last 20 years or so that like random episodes were on. And of course that was huge TV for me when I was in high school, that was like a TV show that you wanted to be at your friend's house or have your friend come over to your house or be on the phone talking to your friend like while you watch the show.

Amena Brown:

It's been really amazing actually watching it from the beginning. And sometimes I just need a show that makes me laugh, that doesn't have like huge amounts of triggers and things that are in it. The Fresh Prince is doing all of these things for me, and is so well-written. Like I look back on that and I'm like, "It's so well-written." So shout out to the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Yes.

Amena Brown:

Last show that has been getting me through is Issa Rae's, Insecure. I have been loving Issa Rae's work since Awkward Black Girl. I forget which friend of mine it was that told me about Awkward Black Girl, but I just fell in love with Awkward Black Girl as a show. If you've never watched it, it is still on YouTube for you to watch. It is wonderful and hilarious and great. So when she got her deal with HBO, I was so excited. And Insecure does not disappoint. It does not disappoint. It was one of the few shows that I actually watch live most of the time, mainly because it is a Twitter connected show, and very specifically a Black Twitter connected show.

Amena Brown:

So that means if I am not watching the show on a Sunday, I'm out somewhere else doing something else, I have to stay away from Twitter because people are live tweeting while they're watching the show, sharing their thoughts. And I feel like it's one of those TV shows that causes me to reflect on my own like dating life before my husband and I got married and on my friends and what my 20s and early 30s were like. I mean, it is such a wonderful place of reflection and music. And I love also about Insecure that it is being written and acted and directed from this lens that is unapologetically Black, and Black in this way that refuses to stop and explain all sorts of things to you.

Amena Brown:

And I also love that it is not only unapologetically Black, but it's unapologetically Black and West Coast, but there's something very specifically LA and California about watching it. And as someone from the South and specifically who now has been in Atlanta, Georgia, for over 20 years, there are certain things that... like when I watched the Atlanta show that Donald Glover did, there's certain things that I was like, "That is very uniquely Atlanta." And I think even though it's awesome that now we have like all these ways, we can have access to different people in different cultures, all around the world, I think it's really important that we don't lose the storytelling of the city, the neighborhood, the region that we are from and what makes that place unique. So I love that about Insecure.

Amena Brown:

I love that Insecure makes me feel like I'm getting all the tea. I love that Insecure has made me yell in my house like I was watching a football game. Like I have yelled like that at the characters. I even yelled at the end of this season. I won't do any spoilers for you, but if you want to talk to me about that, please get into my comments on social media and I would love to discuss it, but I was yelling at the finale this season. Yelling.

Amena Brown:

So I'd love to hear from you what are some TV shows that are getting you through right now? What are the shows that you're yelling at? What are the shows that feel soothing to you, that are making you laugh, bringing you some joy, bringing you the information that you might want to have? Talk to me. I'd love to hear from you.

Amena Brown:

I'm excited to welcome romance fiction author, Adriana Herrera, to our HER Living Room this week. I really enjoyed this conversation with Adriana. We talked about the importance of people of color telling their own stories, and we also talked about why it's important for people of color to read and watch stories of people who look like them and get a chance to have unapologetic happy endings. Check out our conversation.

Amena Brown:

I am excited to welcome social worker, world traveler, fiction romance author who loves writing stories about people who look and sound like her people. Welcome Adriana Herrera to the podcast.

Adriana Herrera:

Yay. Thank you for having me. I'm so excited.

Amena Brown:

Oh my gosh. Part of what's great for me about having a podcast is it just gives me a good channel for how nosy I am. And so as soon as I was like looking into like your writing and your story, I was like, "Oh, I have so many nosy questions I want to ask." Adriana, this is going to be great. I want to give a shout out to my friend, our mutual friend, Leigh Kramer, who also does amazing work as a virtual assistant, which basically means she's my friend and she fixes my life.

Amena Brown:

One of the ways that she fixed my life is I was just going through the different guest lists that we had and she was like, "Oh, I know who you should interview." So thank you to Leigh for connecting the two of us. I think the two of you are online friends. She said you've never met in person.

Adriana Herrera:

Yeah. We have never met in person, which is a very common occurrence in the romance world or as we call it Romancelandia. You meet a lot of people through Twitter and it's basically all very connected to love of books. So Leigh and I know each other through our love of romance, which is super awesome. And it's one of the things that I really love about the romance community, but yes, she's amazing.

Amena Brown:

And she really has educated me so much on just the romance community, like when she just starts rattling off to me like the different authors that she knows. And of course, I'm just so proud of her for the book that she's also written. I'm so glad that you are on the podcast because I have so many things I want to know about what it's like to be a romance writer and the things that inspire you.

Amena Brown:

Let's get into it. I want to, first of all, I always like to start with an origin story. And one of the themes that's been coming up whenever I talk to other women who are writers, there's this interesting relationship we all have as writers to the moment that we realized we were a writer or the moment we felt comfortable to call ourselves a writer. Do you remember what the moment was when you discovered you were a writer? Was it early on in your life or was it later in life?

Adriana Herrera:

It was later in life. And I think it was very connected to my upbringing. I grew up in the Dominican Republic. I came to the US when I was 23 on my own to go to grad school. So I lived my whole life there. I went to college there and everything. And in the Dominican Republic, and I think that's a big developing world thing, it's like being an artist or being a creative person is not something that's like to a degree like really encouraged, especially like I think for middle class, upper middle class, where you really need like a solid profession. You want to be a doctor, you want a lawyer.

Adriana Herrera:

So even though my entire life like books were like the most important thing in my life, I never even dreamed the dream of being a writer. Like I just thought that was not for like someone like me. So when I came to the States, I also like toyed with it because I was starting grad school and there's just like a lot more space for creativity. Like there's creative writing degrees, things like that, which in the Dominican Republic it's like not even a thing.

Adriana Herrera:

So I think then I felt like, "Okay, like just regular people can be writers." So I think as the years passed, I started blogging about books, I had a couple of blogs where I reviewed books and those were really well received and people really like kind of commented on like how I wrote. And I was like, "Oh, maybe I could do this." So, that was like a little seed that was planted a long time ago, but my moment where I decided to do it like seriously was probably like two years ago right after the election. And I think like a lot of people had like cathartic moments after the election.

Amena Brown:

Yes.

Adriana Herrera:

So many people like saw the light, but I mean, my thing was, I was just so troubled by the narrative around immigrants that was happening at that time, and it's gotten worse, which is really sad, but I really was feeling compelled to bring, after Latinx stories, like the type of stories that I know of from like my family that came here in the 60s, of my own passage coming on my own. Like I just wanted to place those stories in the romance space because I really felt compelled to present stories of people of color thriving and getting like unapologetic happy endings.

Adriana Herrera:

Like we work for our happy endings so vigorously. It was a combination of like me kind of having this idea that I couldn't be a writer, and then kind of like coming into my own, like I'm 40, I just turned 40 last year, and I'm feeling like in a good moment to reinvent myself. So I thought this is a good time to finally do this. And romance has always been a great space of like self-care for me, reading romance. So yeah, that's like my long origin story answer.

Amena Brown:

I love it. And I love that you described for you that reading romance is a self-care practice because I think I look at my library a lot lately, Leigh and I were actually talking about this when she was in town last, and so part of it is decolonizing your library, so got rid of a bunch of things that way.

Amena Brown:

And then some of it was also just now that I've gotten rid of a bunch of stuff, it's like looking at what's on my shelves now and thinking like, "Well, what are the gaps? What are the holes of books I wish were there?" And I realized like I need more fiction and more poetry. A lot of the books in my library are nonfiction, which is great and has its use, but I think there is so much that just reading fiction gives to us and it gives to us in a different way than reading... an autobiography does or I think reading just like a nonfiction book does. So I think that's a really powerful idea to remember listeners that reading fiction and reading romance can also be a self-care practice.

Amena Brown:

So you are a writer and you are a social worker in New York City. You work with survivors of domestic and sexual violence. Would you say your vocation informs what you write or is it an outlet from your vocation? How is the relationship there between what the day gig is and your life also as a writer?

Adriana Herrera:

Definitely it influences that. I've always been a romance reader, but I'm like a very voracious reader. I'm known for my reading appetite, like I read a lot. But romance has always been like a place, like I said, of self-care, but something that I always do like for fun, like reenergizing, because I also read a lot of heavy books. My work is in trauma, I'm constantly reading books on trauma. And so romance is kind of like my way of re-imagining kind of like life. I hear so many things that are tough on a day-to-day basis.

Adriana Herrera:

So one of the things that I think my work really helps me with is it really makes me thoughtful and mindful about how I present and render relationships like power dynamics and relationships, power and control. Consent is something that I think a lot about. I've been having this conversation because my debut novel just came out, so I've been having some conversations about the book, and people are curious about that connection.

Adriana Herrera:

And I've been talking about not just consent as a yes, which of course we always want affirmative consent in any type of intimate relationship, but it's also kind of like the undergirding and like the building of a foundation for a yes that has substance.

Adriana Herrera:

From the moment that the relationship begins, and romance would call that moment the meet-cute, when two people meet for the first time, the two characters that are having the romantic relationship. So I see it almost like as a series of contracts, verbal contracts that happen between those two people and they are going on back and forth until like the moment of the big yes and there's like about to be like physical intimacy, but there's been already kind of like a building up of consent because the relationship's been like balance and power and control has been aligned. That's something like I think about a lot, and I think it's because I see so much in my work.

Amena Brown:

Yeah, so many moments where those power and control dynamics go wrong. But in your writing, you are able to write about moments when that goes right, goes well, for a character.

Adriana Herrera:

Yeah. And kind of also like the piece of specifically in men and women relationships, I think we live in a patriarchy, right?

Amena Brown:

Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Adriana Herrera:

So it's the piece of like the woman's only power is the ability to consent to sex. Then is that, yes, really that powerful? Because if he has the power in every other aspect of life, he's a billionaire and he's like a magnate and he's like gorgeous and he's like seven feet tall, and she's like the woman and the only thing she can consent or deny is her body, then how powerful is that? You know what I mean? So I think like I like to play with those ideas of like kind of dismantling like the patriarchy a little bit as I create those relationships.

Amena Brown:

A word. Using romance to dismantle the patriarchy. Yes. Yes. We are here for everything about that. I want to ask you as a reader and now as a writer of romance, why do you think it's important to have works of romance like out in the world? Like what do you think that brings to the reader? And being involved in a community of other authors who are also writing romance, what does it bring to the writer?

Adriana Herrera:

This is something that is not something I said, is something that... Sarah Wendell is her name. She is the founder of this website called Smart Bitches, Trashy Books. And it's a website that's dedicated to like the romance genre. And she talks about happily ever after as being revolutionary. Like the idea that you are not only happy, but that you all that happiness is absolute and yours, is revolutionary. And I think in the moment that we're living in, unapologetic happy endings is like saying all of this happiness is mine and I've earned it because I'm me not because I had to change myself, not because I had to erase my identity, who I am, my sexual identity, my gender identity, all of that encompass still gets me my happily ever after, I think it's incredibly powerful.

Amena Brown:

I think so too. And I never, until just hearing you describe this, like I don't know that I ever thought about this or put language to it, but I think what you're saying is so right. Like I remember when my husband and I were first getting married, we were in that first one to two years, that newlywed time. I remember the first several months I had to have like a talk with myself, like, "This is a beautiful and happy moment in your life. You've married somebody that you love, that loves you, that respects you, that gives you this space that you need in your life."

Amena Brown:

And I think there was this part of me sort of waiting for the other shoe to drop in life. And sometimes the other shoe does drop. I mean, that's how life is, but that there are also these moments that you can just be inside of exceeding joy and happiness. And I just had to have like a talk with myself at that time of like, you have not been married 20 years like this crusty woman that you talked to about her marriage, she's like in a terrible relationship, she hates it real bad, you know? So she's looking at me and my newlywed time like, "Oh, well, I hope you enjoy it while it's good." You know?

Adriana Herrera:

Right.

Amena Brown:

And I sort of took in her sentiments in a way and I had to just kind of take whatever that was I took in and like put it back out and say, "Hey, this is my happy ending right here, my happy beginning in some ways too, you know? And I should enjoy that moment." And I think there are a lot of times in our real lives that we're not enjoying that happy ending, and maybe that's a way to your point that reading romance can teach us how to do that, how to be even in those happy moments, right?

Adriana Herrera:

Yes. Brené Brown is like really popular and she's a social worker, but she writes like a lot of like self... it's not self help, but in one of her like talk she talks about love and how like none of us would want to live without love. Like if anyone of us is asked, "Do you want to live for the rest of your life without love?" None of us would say, "Yes," right?

Amena Brown:

Right.

Adriana Herrera:

And I think we've created this idea that like being able to like sit in our happiness it's almost something that we don't deserve. Like we have to continue to like brace ourselves because it's so life-changing to find that type of love. And like we've been taught I'm almost like socialized to expect it to be taken away almost. And I think for women of color or marginalized people, women, a person of any gender that's living at the intersections of marginalized identities, it's not just that we're told, like what we see is that the people that get to be in the movies or in the magazines getting those happy endings, don't look like us.

Amena Brown:

Yeah.

Adriana Herrera:

And so we are taught that like we're imposters, like this is not supposed to be what we get. And I think that's like also the power of romance and romance that has diversity and own voices, because then we can see ourselves, like literal reflections of ourselves in people that are getting to have the gigantic happily ever after. Like it's so affirming to see someone in a story getting that kind of happy ending that is just like you in real ways.

Amena Brown:

Ooh, I mean, Adriana got me out here like, can I find a romance about a Black woman married to this red-headed man? You know, like I'm just like, let me go looking and find my life today because I'm here for all of it.

Adriana Herrera:

I am here for the ginger and Black lady in love.

Amena Brown:

Yes. Yes. I was literally thinking like, because my first, actually to be utterly honest, Adriana, my first thought was, "Could I write that?" And then I immediately was like, "no, sis." I mean, I could write it, but it's not like when I'm doing, when I'm writing fiction, it don't sound like what you doing. Okay? It's bad. So I could try it and then one day what I'm planning to do is just release a series that's like, "Here's all my really bad novels guys." And like I'm not going to try to make these like non-cliché, I'm just going to leave all the cliches in there, please enjoy, but you are encouraging me to find some stories to read to take in. I think that is such a powerful reminder.

Amena Brown:

I want to talk about your book, and I want to make sure my listeners know that this book that has just released, American Dreamer, is in the Dreamers series. So you are going to release more books that go along the lines of this one. So talk to me about American Dreamer. Like tell my listeners a little bit, just we want to give them a little taste right here that'll make them go buy it right away. So tell us a little bit about that, and then how does American Dreamer as a book sit in the series of books to come?

Adriana Herrera:

American Dreamer is a LGBT romance. So the two main characters are two gay men, and Nesto Vasquez is a Dominican entrepreneur. I'm Dominican, so I felt like the first one should be a Dominican guy.

Amena Brown:

Right.

Adriana Herrera:

And he grew up in the South Bronx and he put himself through like culinary school and he has an Afro Caribbean food truck that he wants to make a success. So he moves upstate to try to make a go of it. His mom is already there and he's just like giving himself six months to kind of like get it off the ground. And if things just don't work out, he might just have to go to his regular job.

Adriana Herrera:

So as soon as he gets there, he meets Jude Fuller, who is a librarian in town and is also trying to like get his own project off the ground. He wants to get books to the rural areas, to the youth in the rural areas of the county where they live. And it's a striving story is what I'm starting to call it. It's like two people who are striving to be their best selves in terms of like their dreams, but also along the way figure out also different things that are valuable and that should be priorities.

Adriana Herrera:

And for Nesto, it's like he's an immigrant, right? So he's like all about the hustle. He's out there like in those like... it's like the streets trying to make this truck be a success. And Jude is someone that grew up in like a really conservative family, so he's still kind of like grappling with the emotional wreckage of coming out and being like disowned by his family. It's a love story, but I think it's also kind of like an American dream story.

Amena Brown:

I love that. I love that. Just the parts that I had a chance to read, I was like, "Oh man, like..." And knowing a little bit more of your story too, one of the things I really loved about writing my bad fiction was you have all of these experiences, places that you've been, things that you've done, and you're not writing something that's necessarily a fictionalized account of your life, but you can take these bits and pieces of your own, things you've seen, stories you've heard, and you can put that into this whole world that you get to create when you sit and write a fiction story. I mean, that is just so inspiring to me.

Adriana Herrera:

Yeah.

Amena Brown:

So talk to us about, did you know when you were first writing American Dreamer that you had enough stories here for a series? Like how did you know this is not just a book, this is going to be a series of books?

Adriana Herrera:

So romance tends to be kind of like a genre where like there's multiple books, unless you're writing like a very specific type of sub genre like fantasy or something like that, like books will come out standalone, but usually there's a series. So I kind of have that idea in mind. And then when I started thinking about this book, my hope was to be able to render, not just Nesto and his own experience, but I wanted to show thriving communities of color.

Adriana Herrera:

Because Nesto's story is not just his story, but it's like his community story. Like his mom, his friends who are like his brothers. It was important to me to show queer communities of color that were thriving. Because even in LGBT romance, which there's a lot of, it's very white. And when you do have a character that's Latinx or black, it's kind of like that friend, you know?

Amena Brown:

Yeah.

Adriana Herrera:

So I wanted to create a community, create a world, where the norm was Afro-Latinx queer people. And that's the space that I was in, and these people were thriving and thriving. That's how I kind of came up with the idea. And then for Nesto, I gave him three best friends who are all Afro-Latinx.

Adriana Herrera:

The second book is actually coming out in May and it's a Cuban-Jamaican social worker and he works in New York City. Basically, it's kind of like my same job. And then the third character is he's Haitian. And he came to the US as a refugee with his mother when he was a child. And he is an Ivy League professor and he's an economist. And the last character is a Puerto Rican man who works for the Yankees.

Adriana Herrera:

So I wanted to show like people who were like doing well. Like I didn't want to show like a struggle story. I keep saying this and I really truly like feel that it's like I don't want to write stories of people of color that are earning their happy ending through brokenness.

Amena Brown:

That's powerful.

Adriana Herrera:

Because I am tired of seeing broken black and brown people in fiction, and I want... I mean, we have struggles. Of course, we do. Our lives are full of conflict, but there's also so much joy in being who we are. And I really wanted that to come through out of the gate.

Amena Brown:

Let me ask you a question that I've never had the opportunity to ask a fiction writer. When I was in college I studied English with actual intent to be a novelist and became a poet. And just most of my writing is poetry. But we watched a documentary, I cannot remember the name of it now, but I remember part of it was this interview with Alice Walker. And she talked about how when she writes fiction, her characters talk to her. And when she said that, 18, 19 year old me is like, "That's crazy. No, that is not. Whatever she's talking about, that's crazy."

Amena Brown:

But later on as a writer, I understood more what she meant. Do you find that to be true? Do your characters talk to you when you're sitting down to write, or even if you're not sitting down to write, do you have moments that a character might sort of reveal themselves, or a piece of the plot kind of comes to you? Like how is that part of the creative process?

Adriana Herrera:

There are authors, I think there's like pansters is what we call them, people that kind of just like sit down and they're like channeling a character and they're just like in it. I find that my process is a little bit different than that, because I need to really kind of like build scaffolding for me to start writing. So I kind of have to really think about origin stories and like what is the wound? Like who hurt you? Character. Like that sort of thing.

Adriana Herrera:

And then once I'm like really feeling like I have a grip on the emotional arc and stuff like that, then I sit down and it really kind of comes through in my head. Like I can think of like what's happening in the scene and I can really see it play out. I don't have like voices, but I know that there are writers that are so in tune with their characters that they're just kind of like rendering what they're seeing, but I'm a control freak, so I need to have like an outline and a plot, basically.

Amena Brown:

I also, you know, when I wrote my first nonfiction book, I thought I was going to have the experience you watch writers have in the movies, you know? Where they sit down and it's like some bolt of inspiration hits you and you just start click-clacking at your typewriter obviously, it has to be a typewriter from people you see in the movies, but that's how you wrote a book. And I quickly discovered, oh, gnosis, like you need to have an idea of what you was trying to write today. Like you need to have like an idea or you're going to drive yourself crazy or that you're going to procrastinate and then you're never going to get this book written. That's also a good point. Scaffolding was a great word for that.

Adriana Herrera:

That's me. I'm the person with the outline. One of our most beloved romance authors is Beverly Jenkins. And she is an African American woman that writes, she writes everything, but her historicals are my favorite, some of my favorite books. And she's a pantser. So she likes sits down and she talks about having like arguments with her character because she is so in tune with her muse. I have to do a lot more work, although of course I wouldn't like even allude to being in the same category as Beverly Jenkins because she's like a treasure in basically royalty and romance, but her process is very different than mine.

Amena Brown:

I think we were talking about this before we started recording, it was really wonderful for me to hear you say that a part of the process of you beginning this book and now this series of books was you were like, "I'm turning 40. This is a great time to reinvent myself." Like now that you are on the other side of 40, like I remember being in my early 20s and like 30 feeling like, "Whoa," I had some thoughts about what I thought life was going to be, it is not that, but then it also turned out to be this totally like new decade for me of going, "Well, I don't need to hold myself to whatever I thought 30 was going to be."

Adriana Herrera:

Right.

Amena Brown:

And I, for some reason in my mind, I had an idea that 40 was going to be this like, I only have like an airplane metaphor for this, but I just thought 40 was like we've reached 10,000 feet. We unplug our seatbelts now, we move about the cabin. Like there was some sort of like cruising that was happening in my 40s. And now I feel like my whole life is about to reinvent itself. Can you talk more about what your thoughts have been about that as you're like entering this new decade of your life?

Adriana Herrera:

I think it's because our age, I think maybe our generation, that you saw 40 as something like where you have to be an established person and you have to have all your things figured out by 35. And I think as I was in my 30s, it was time to really find my voice in terms of like my work and the things I believe in and how I wanted to show up in the world. I don't have enough time. Like I need like the entire decade of my 40s to really kind of like polish this new person that I feel like I'm becoming.

Adriana Herrera:

And so I think I'm going to have to like kind of push back this like cruising altitude, as you mentioned, kind of like timeline. And so I went back to school two years ago, I'm actually finishing up my master's in social work. I had a master's in international relations and then I did social work for a long time, and then I decided to go back to school. So I thought the going back to school time was a good moment for me to kind of like do the writing thing. So I kind of like used this two years moving into my 40s to do some things that I had wanted to do that I hadn't done. I feel like I'm like my best moment. I feel like I love who I am, I've found my voice, and I feel like I think I want to like another 50 years, I'm not done.

Amena Brown:

Right. Yes. Oh, that is so inspiring. Ah, like thank you for answering that question because I hadn't planned to ask you, but as we were talking, I was like, "You know, let me circle back and ask her," because I think it's good to process in a way what we expected our happy endings to be, but then maybe realizing, which is a lesson that we can learn from just brilliant writers like yourself, realizing in our real life we can also rewrite some things, we can also reinvent where we thought we might be headed and find ourselves down a totally different story that may have totally different happy endings, but they are wonderful happy endings nevertheless. Thank you for answering that for me, that was like a little nosy question I needed to know.

Amena Brown:

What tips do you have for other people that might want to also not only write fiction, but write romance. What tips would you have for writers who are interested in this genre just getting started?

Adriana Herrera:

I think get out of your own way is one thing that I had to tell myself and this I think is a very Woman of Color thing. I think we really never feel like we have enough credentials to do what we want. So like, "Oh, well, if I'm going to write, I need to get an MFA. Oh, well, if I'm going to write, I need to get a PhD and whatever." I mean, it's a reinforced message that we're like, you don't belong here.

Adriana Herrera:

I just finished the Michelle Obama memoir like two weeks ago, and I've been thinking about it a lot because she kind of like had that also that experience of like having to tell herself like, "No, I belong in this room." And I think for us, for me, for any fiction writer, it's like you have a story to tell, you can just tell it. And of course there's structure, there's technical things that you need to do to make that story polished and strong and have good pacing and plot points and all that, but you can tell your story and then you can build it into like a book that you can like put into the world. So I would say, just tell your story and get out of your own way. Like you belong here too.

Amena Brown:

And not like building these barriers in front of yourself because that's definitely a thing for a lot of women of color I know who are entrepreneurial or in creative work or just even in business and all sorts of fields. I feel like there can be this idea of like, "I got to add 10 steps to myself before I move on whatever this idea is that I have that I want to put out in the world."

Amena Brown:

And even when you talked earlier just about your initial writing being on your blog and about the books that you loved reading, that also was really inspiring to me too, because I think we have a lot of tools at our disposal now to be able to say, "Hey, this is a thing I want to do. Let me give it a shot." You know?

Adriana Herrera:

Yeah.

Amena Brown:

Let me try and see and see how people engage with that and see how you feel in the process. Like I really think, I think that's a dope way to think about it is really what can you do just to start? You know, like-

Adriana Herrera:

Yeah. Right. I think it was Elizabeth Gilbert, I think she wrote, Eat, Pray, Love. Someone was at a talk with her and she said something I think is so great. She said, "Perfectionism is fear in a bad mustache, like poorly disguised fear." And I think, again, I think for a lot of Women of Color, we really have this ingrained idea that we have to show up perfect. And not because we made it up, like it's something that we are told by all of society.

Amena Brown:

Yeah.

Adriana Herrera:

Like the twice as good thing. Like you need to be five times better than everyone else just so that you can like sit there and feel like you belong in the room. And I think that turns into like a fear of failure and a fear of like told that we're not good enough. That really hinders us just going for our stuff.

Amena Brown:

Yeah. So listeners, whatever your thing is, if it's a book, a business idea, something you want to do in your community, whatever it is, we are telling you start today. Pick something and start today. You deserve to be in the room. I love that. If people are listening to this, they want to buy your books, they want to buy more than one copy of your book because they want to have one for themselves, they want to buy one for a friend, they want to follow you, where should they go? What should they do?

Adriana Herrera:

I have a website, it's adrianaherreraromance.com. And there you can find everything that you would want to know about my books and my writing, what I'm working on. I'm pretty active on Twitter and my handle is ladrianaherrera, L-A like Ladriana. Those are the two places I'm on.

Amena Brown:

People, go there. Go there and do the things, go and buy these books right now. And I just want to thank you so much Adriana for being on the podcast. I have learned so much for answering all my nosy questions. Thanks for joining us today.

Adriana Herrera:

Thank you for inviting me. It was so wonderful to talk to you.

Amena Brown:

Yes. Yes, I loved that conversation with Adriana so much. Didn't you? Doesn't it make you want to go and read some really good romance fiction right now? You should, and you should start with Adriana's books. Make sure you check out her website, get her latest books, get all her books, do all the things. And if you forget any of these links, don't worry, all of the links for information about my guests is available in the show notes, which you can find at amenabrown.com/herwithamena.

Amena Brown:

For this week's edition of Give Her A Crown, I wanted to give a crown to Katori Hall. My husband and I had a chance right before the pandemic really tipped here, in February of this year, we had a chance to see Tina: The Tina Turner Musical, and it was fabulous. And I had no idea that Katori Hall was the book writer and co-producer of not only Tina, but also West End.

Amena Brown:

Now, I have to say the reason why I know Katori Hall's name is because Katori Hall is also the showrunner of P-Valley, which is a new Starz drama. And I have to tell you, the show is amazing. As someone who's lived in the South most of my life, I loved how Southern it was, I loved the layers of that. So many layers to the story, so many complexities and contradictions in a lot of the characters.

Amena Brown:

I was really for Lauren when season one was over, and I cannot wait to see what Katori Hall and the wonderful actors, actresses, and crew are going to do with season two of P-Valley. So make sure you check that out, and let's give her a crown. Thank you, Katori Hall.

Amena Brown:

HER With Amena Brown is produced by Matt Owen for Sol Graffiti Productions as a part of the Seneca Women Podcast Network in partnership with iHeartRadio. Thanks for listening, and don't forget to subscribe, rate, and review the podcast.

Transcript: HER With Amena Brown episode 1

Amena Brown:

Hey, y'all welcome to a new episode, first new episode. I feel like I have a lot of identifying words that are supposed to go before episode. First new, yes, episode of HER with Amena Brown. I am your host, Amena Brown. I want to thank all of you for tuning in to the relaunch of my podcast. I'm so excited to be a part of the Seneca Women Podcast Network and all of our partners there and at iHeartRadio. Hello to all of you. This is the first of many new episodes. Thank you for tuning into the best of HER and even more best to come. Y'all can see that I'm just throwing all sorts of words around because I'm so excited to be in here talking to you.

Amena Brown:

What can you expect from this podcast? You can expect every episode we'll have just a little catch up time, a little time to talk about maybe what's been going on this week. Could be for me personally because I just feel like I'm a person that a lot of very crazy things happen to me. And they turn out to be very interesting stories to share with you. Could also be a time that we talk about maybe some current events or a cool video that I watched online, all sorts of things. I love to have a segment of this podcast that is really me borrowing a little bit from things that I would do on stage when performing. So I've got a lot of fun, comedic bits and poetic readings that I can't wait to share with you all.

Amena Brown:

In this podcast, sometimes there will be a guest here. We will invite a guest into our HER living room. And when I'm bringing those guests into the living room, we will talk about different things that they may be doing in their work, in their life that are helping them to access joy, that are helping them to continue to be inspired. I hope as you hear their stories that that's inspiring to you too. One thing you can always expect from this podcast, you can expect that we will be centering the stories of women of color here. And when I say women of color, what do I mean? I mean, Black women, Indigenous women, Asian women, and Latinx women. You can expect those stories to be centered here. You can expect that when I bring a guest here, it's someone whose work and life that I really find inspiring. And I hope you will too.

Amena Brown:

And when we don't have a guest, I like to call this segment a time for me to pontificate. It's a time that I can share with you some things that I'm learning, things that I think are important for you to know, maybe put you on to some music, some books, some art, some people that you can also be inspired by. And you can always expect at the end of every episode, whether I do this or I invite a guest to do this I will always pick a woman of color for the segment Give Her A Crown. And Give Her A Crown is a time to think about a woman of color who is doing amazing and inspiring work and shout her out. I also hope that when you think of Give Her A Crown, that you think of women in your life who deserve a crown, deserve to be celebrated.

Amena Brown:

It could be something really huge in their life that deserves celebration. It could be that you are so proud of what to some people may seem like a small thing. For some of us, we deserve a crown for getting out of bed. For some of us, we deserve a crown for caring for our aging parents. Some of us deserve a crown for not cursing someone out that day, right? So we want to be able to give the people crowns who deserve them. That's a little bit of what you can expect from HER with Amena Brown. I am inviting you into this audio living room that we have. I hope you're getting comfy. I hope you took your shoes off. I hope you have a pillow that you can hold onto, but if you're driving, don't do any of that, hold onto the steering wheel and focus on that. Okay? Good.

Amena Brown:

Yo. Okay. We are, as of the recording of this episode in the middle of a global pandemic and I am living here in the U.S. I live in Atlanta, Georgia. We are in the thick of it here. And I've learned a few things about myself during this pandemic. It has been a very interesting time of ups and downs. My life before the pandemic was very, very busy. So there were a couple of weeks during our time of quarantine that I just enjoyed having some time off and just not doing anything and eating whatever I wanted. I will tell you a couple of things I've learned about myself during this time and maybe you also are learning these things. Number one, I learned that a pandemic for me is not a great time to start a new eating plan. I had planned to do a lot of things before the pandemic. I was going to get on this high protein, low carb situation. And as soon as the pandemic came in I was immediately like, "Oops, craving bread and craving cupcakes. And that is what I'm going to do, eating pasta, whatever. That's what I'm having."

Amena Brown:

Another thing I learned about myself since the pandemic is it's creating some really interesting social strata, right? I'm having a lot of conversation with my girlfriends about how do you decide who's in your social distancing bubble, right? And I feel like part of this is judgy, but I don't know. I'm trying to figure out if it's judgy or not. So you all can tell me if you think this is judgy. But I feel like there are different things that I'm looking for when I'm trying to find out if someone can be in my social distance bubble, right? Because at first we were all... Well, I can't say we were all, but some of us were being very strict about quarantining and social distancing, right? That basically meant that you weren't leaving your house unless you had to, right? To get food or whatever other necessary things you need to get, but otherwise you were staying at home. Even most of us that had jobs that could be done from home, that's what we did, right?

Amena Brown:

I want to also stop here and give a special shout-out to the people whose jobs could not be done from home that were and are still helping our country run. So big shout-out to all of our East Central workers, all of the people working in the medical profession, all of the people working in our grocery stores, people doing deliveries, just everyone doing essential work. Thank you. Those jobs cannot be done from home. And those of us who are staying from home, but not be able to stay home as much as we do, if it weren't for you... Thank you. Want to give that shout-out there. Okay. So while you're trying to figure out who's in your social distance bubble there's all these questions like, "Okay, are your people wearing masks?" Right? And when they say social distancing, what do they really mean? It kind of feels a little to me like when I was dating and how there were just certain little catch phrases or different little things that a guy might say that I would immediately be like, "Oh no, we can't date."

Amena Brown:

If I was talking to a guy... I remember I was dating this one guy and I asked him, "Hey, do you have a theme song? Or just a song that motivates you that really gets you going?" He was like, "No, I don't have a theme song." He was like, "I don't even really listen to music that much." And immediately in my mind, I'm like, "Ooh, we can't date." I don't know what to do with the fact that you don't listen to music. What are you doing with your entire life if you're not listening to music? I don't know. So I find myself in conversations with people like family members, friends, whoever, and we're talking and they might say something someplace they've been and as soon as they say that I'm like, "Wow, you can't be in my bubble."

Amena Brown:

I feel like such a judgy person for thinking that way, but these are the types of decisions we're having to make now. If I talk to someone and they're like, "Yeah, I just went on this date last night." And you're like, "Oh, on Zoom? You went on a Zoom date or a FaceTime date?" And they're like, "No. I went out on a date with this person. We went out and we just hung out and we held hands." They start saying some of those facts and you're like, "Oh no, you can't be in my bubble," that's how I feel. I've turned into the person that is judging those people.

Amena Brown:

Also, I did not realize how much I missed just walking through a store just because I wanted to see what was in there. I haven't done that for months until we went to Whole Foods and there is a TJ Maxx next to the Whole Foods closest to our house. It had not been open because TJ Maxx, like many stores have been closed. When I went to Whole Foods and saw that TJ Maxx open, I really could not even think of anything I have need of to buy in TJ Maxx, but just the feeling of walking through the store and being like, "Oh, look at those candles. Oh, look at those face masks. Hmm. I wonder what that shampoo smells like." I did not know how much I missed dear old TJ Maxx until I had the opportunity to just walk through there, wearing my little mask. And you know what they had that I really needed? Is a jade roller for my face. And you know what? It was $8.

Amena Brown:

There's just something about shopping in person and getting to walk through there and just come upon an item. I don't know if there's a way we can kind of replicate that online, but that's not how online shopping is for me. It's like a lot of searching and scrolling and Googling. You're not having fun walking through there and just sniffing candles. You can't do that stuff online. So, shout-out TJ Maxx and all the people that work there. I thank you for your service. Lastly, I'm a person who loves going to the grocery store in general. That's one of my favorite mundane tasks. I mean, I do make a list and I get really organized about it. I have a certain way I like to go through the store and all.

Amena Brown:

And I never thought that I would be so excited to go to the grocery store even more so than usual because for so long that's my only outing. I go so long without leaving my house and then when I do I'm like, "Oh, we're getting up early. We are putting on masks. We are going to go see what's in the store." And it has been really interesting during this pandemic time, the things that are left on the shelves and the things that are totally gone. Where we live, there's still no lysol. Every now and then we'll come upon some bleach or come upon some sort of disinfectant cleaner. And it might be a brand we don't even know, but we're so excited to find it. It's like some sort of treasure hunt type situation that I have come to enjoy. So shout-out to all of the things I've discovered about myself during the pandemic.

Amena Brown:

What have you been discovering about yourself during the pandemic? I would love for you to share it with me online on socials. I would love for you to tell me all about that. This week I am in conversation with Austin Channing Brown. And what a wonderful and fantastic person to welcome into our HER living room. I'm also excited to report that since we recorded this, Austin is now New York Times bestselling author, Austin Channing Brown, for her book, I'm Still Here: Black Dignity in a World Made for Whiteness. Listen in as Austin and I are talking like girlfriends would in a living room because she is one of my girlfriends, but we are also talking about the importance of centering the narratives and experiences of black women. We are talking about the importance of celebrating and affirming black dignity. We are talking about some of the things that Austin wrote in I'm Still Here. And if you have not read this book, I encourage you to get ahold of it. It is a fantastic and important read. Check out this conversation with me and Austin.

Amena Brown:

Y'all, I am so just excited that Austin has joined me today because I want y'all to know everything about this book because I got a few pages into and I was like, "She not going to do this to me." Something about Austin's book it's like you're having a little bit of a Harry Potter feeling. And I didn't really read Harry Potter to be honest, but other people that have read it had told me that you start reading it and then you look up and it's 5:00 AM and you're like, "Wait, I was supposed to do other things with my life." That was the feeling I had. I got a few pages in at first and I was like, "Oh no, Austin's not doing this to me. I have a job. I have things that I need to do with my life, please."

Amena Brown:

Another reason why I'm so happy to welcome Austin to the podcast is because we sort of knew of each other in an internet way. We are in some similar spaces speaking and different things. And we finally met at an event and I don't know what the sessions was doing, but we was not going. We got in this corner-

Austin Channing Brown:

We do. [inaudible 00:13:38]-

Amena Brown:

And when... And not talking about the weather and not talking about no sports teams. Like immediately was like Black girl meeting called to order went right there.

Austin Channing Brown:

Let's do this. [crosstalk 00:13:52]-

Amena Brown:

And that was just the beginning of these moments that I have loved in knowing you, Austin. She has opened her home to me when I was in some dire straits. She was like, "Just come to my house, I got this soup." She's-

Austin Channing Brown:

And Amena [inaudible 00:14:08].

Amena Brown:

[crosstalk 00:14:10]. Because it was you birthday, that's why. So we-

Austin Channing Brown:

She always brings me goodies.

Amena Brown:

We've had quite a few moments together that have involved good food-

Austin Channing Brown:

[crosstalk 00:14:19]-

Amena Brown:

... and good conversation. So we're letting you all in on a sliver because it'd be some realness that we're obviously not going to talk about on here, but we're going to let y'all at least have a small percentage of what this is. I wanted to talk to Austin about the dignity of the black body because this is a theme that is inherent in your work. Period. In your speaking, in your preaching, in your writing, it's always showing up, which I think is so beautiful. So I'd like to start asking each guest an origin story question. I want to ask you what was one of the earliest memories you can think of where inside yourself you were like, "I love being a black girl?"

Austin Channing Brown:

Mm-hmm (affirmative). I attended private white Christian schools growing up where I was initially often the only Black girl. There would be other Black boys in my classroom, but often the only black girl. I remember on a very regular basis all the teachers and students and the cafeteria workers asking me about my hair because it could keep a curl, because it was thick and it was long. It just like really floored them. And this was when I was a little girl. This isn't high school with the weave and the [inaudible 00:15:40] and the-

Amena Brown:

[crosstalk 00:15:41]-

Austin Channing Brown:

You know what I mean? The updo, the glitter. I wouldn't do it all that yet. Just my hair doing what it does, a little black girl with the barrette. You know what I mean?

Amena Brown:

Yes.

Austin Channing Brown:

It was just people loved it. I loved it. Now I will confess, I didn't like getting my hair done like be hard. There was a lot of wanting to be yelling and screaming. There was a lot of screaming on the inside.

Amena Brown:

Oh, please. Because we're told that you're not going to be out here screaming like I'm hurting you, but you are hurting me.

Austin Channing Brown:

Hurting me. This does not feel good. And this seat, this pillow was no longer doing it.

Amena Brown:

Please. Oh, you are bringing up some Black girl memories right now. I'm like, "It was a rare moment. I was in a salon." There were definitely some sister so and so is about to cornrow her daughter hair, so you're going to [crosstalk 00:16:35] her house-

Austin Channing Brown:

[crosstalk 00:16:35].

Amena Brown:

... and she going to cornrow your hair too. And I'm like, "But I'm uncomfortable and thank you. [crosstalk 00:16:42]-"

Austin Channing Brown:

It's been hours.

Amena Brown:

"... eight hours and-"

Austin Channing Brown:

We have [inaudible 00:16:45]. Yes, I just remember taking great pride in my hair because it just moved so differently.

Amena Brown:

Actually, when I was thinking about this question, my answer is about hair too. I think for me, I was probably maybe six, five or six. I had a friend and her mother knew how to cornrow really well. So she could do the ones where you could get a little design and stuff and then it went down to my shoulders and she would put the beads on the end. Whew! I would swing that hair. I thought I was in a music video, I don't know who else was performing and what they were... It was not music. I was in a video that was pretending to be a music video with no music and it was just me the clack of those bees. I just felt like I am stunting on everybody.

Austin Channing Brown:

My father actually used to cornrow my hair.

Amena Brown:

Really? Come on, dad? Your daddy about to get the dad award out here because I'm like, "I don't even... " Please don't take away my Black girl cards y'all, "But I don't even know how to cornrow." I be out here like-

Austin Channing Brown:

[crosstalk 00:18:00].

Amena Brown:

My fingers be like this. I be like, "You're supposed to cut this."

Austin Channing Brown:

[crosstalk 00:18:05]. I be like, "This is not working. Maybe I should try on a baby doll first."

Amena Brown:

Right. Because-

Austin Channing Brown:

[crosstalk 00:18:13]. Let me try [inaudible 00:18:14] hair.

Amena Brown:

My situation was not coming together. But it is interesting that we both felt that moment about our hair. And I still feel like now a lot of times that I have that like, "Oh, I love being a Black woman in a moment." It's like something that my hair is doing that I'm like, "You stand out, you take up space."

Austin Channing Brown:

[crosstalk 00:18:34]. Swinging it around. I love that we're not intentionally so, but I love that there's so many secrets around my hair. I can't get on a plane and not have somebody be like, "How long did that take?" And I'd be like, "Well, listen, there's multiple ways doing this." So-

Amena Brown:

Yes, this is me in the aisle at Target. Like being on the natural hair aisle at target, this is me becoming a consultant. And you can tell that the Black woman next to you is trying to see if she can catch your eye. If you're in the mood for that conversation, if you have time and I'll leave her around and then she'll finally say, "So I'm looking for a moisturizer. And I tried this... " Points to rejected product, "I tried this and it did not do the right things for my hair. But then my girlfriend said try this, but I'm afraid to spend the money because I don't want to... " And I'm like, "Well, sister, if you're looking for a moisturizer like this, you could try this one. If you want one, this made us some organic stuff. Try this. If you want... " We done had a whole 20 minute conversation just on the Target aisle.

Austin Channing Brown:

For me, it almost always starts with money, "Girl, you know these product's expensive?" The last time this happened, so a little sales clerk was like, "Do y'all need any help?" And she was like, "Y'all got any sales going on?"

Amena Brown:

Please.

Austin Channing Brown:

She was like, "Well, I don't see any, but that tea tree oil down there is on sale." And we both looked at each other and laughed.

Amena Brown:

What I'm going to with this is I'ma put a few drops-

Austin Channing Brown:

[crosstalk 00:20:18]-

Amena Brown:

... on my scalp and it was-

Austin Channing Brown:

[crosstalk 00:20:19]-

Amena Brown:

... what's next?

Austin Channing Brown:

What? [inaudible 00:20:21] don't need a little more [inaudible 00:20:23].

Amena Brown:

Because hair will be out here looking like the top of a cotton swab, right? If all you have is tea tree oil, there is going to be so some struggles.

Austin Channing Brown:

[crosstalk 00:20:37]-

Amena Brown:

I'm like, "My hair need room to breathe. It needs its moisture out here in these streets. I need to provide my hair with the things that my hair needs for this world, okay?" You mentioned in your book a poem that I love by Paul Laurence Dunbar. You mentioned We Wear the Mask and you talked about this quite a bit in your book, which I loved. I want to read We Wear the Mask for anyone here that's never heard this poem and you should know this name, Paul Laurence Dunbar, because he's amazing.

Amena Brown:

This poem We Wear the Mask says we wear the mask that grins and lies. It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes. This debt we pay to human guile with torn and bleeding heart we smile and mouth with myriad subtleties. Why should the world be over-wise in counting all our tears and sighs? Nay, let them only see us while we wear the mask. We smile, but Oh great Christ, our cries to thee from tortured souls arise. We sing, but oh, the clay is vile beneath our feet and long the mile. But let the world dream otherwise, we wear the mask. Oh, it's beautiful and haunting, right?

Austin Channing Brown:

And the fact that this could live over centuries.

Amena Brown:

It's amazing. I'm still reading it like let them only see us while we wear the mask. Paul Laurence Dunbar, speak a word. Some of what I hear in the theme of your book and just your writing your work is this idea that as a Black person that you do not have to wear the mask, which to me lends itself to being unapologetically Black. That there are so many times that many Black people we... Obviously, I joke with my friends all the time, I'm like, "Waking up black every day... Have not woken up a morning that I was not Black, woke up every morning, Black." But sometimes have been Black and apologetic for it. Talk to me about how we can deal with the layers of that mask? How do we... I don't want to say arrive at unapologetically Black. I think that takes time to work through, but how we start working towards that? What would you say?

Austin Channing Brown:

Yeah. I think a big part of this book is my journey towards that, right? When I first read that poem, I was wearing a mask and that's why it was so jarring because it was like, "Whoa! I'm doing this currently right here in this room where I'm the only Black girl in my English class." I just really didn't know what to do with that because I had never really thought about... I didn't have the terms like code-switching and I was just out here living life. I thought, "Man, there's a lot of things that all the folks in this classroom, including the ones that I really like and the folks that I really admire, don't know about my life that other Black students in my gospel choir or at the lunch table or whatever do." So it was really my first time I was like, "Oh, when I'm around white folks what am I protecting?"

Amena Brown:

Which I think is a real thing, right?

Austin Channing Brown:

Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Amena Brown:

The need to protect versus what am I hiding?

Austin Channing Brown:

Mm-hmm (affirmative). It's been, still is, it has been a journey to figure out in what spaces can I be unapologetically Black? This is not always safe. And I've been in plenty of jobs and particularly where it wasn't safe, girl.

Amena Brown:

Right. How do you discern when a place is safe to be unapologetically Black or not?

Austin Channing Brown:

This is real rough, but I look for signs. So during an interview, like an interview for a job, girl, I take that thing to a whole new level. I am probably the most Black in an interview because I am just like, "For a double shot on it, just in case." Because I feel like if you can handle the double shot, you can probably handle how Black I actually am.

Amena Brown:

I love this. I love it. I'm Black like I came straight from Wakanda to come straight to this interview. Yes.

Austin Channing Brown:

Do you want all of this? Then I tone it down once I actually arrived. I was like, "I got the job. [inaudible 00:25:09]."

Amena Brown:

I love it.

Austin Channing Brown:

I wish that was all that I had pretended to be, but I can't play space to save my life. So I think I'm getting wiser about particularly places where I need to make a long-term commitment, like job. I think for other spaces because I'm in and out of white evangelicals I'm a lot with speaking and preaching and that kind of thing. One has started to ask questions about how they heard about me, what they've read that they really appreciate, to kind of give me an idea of whether or not it's really me if they want or if it's an idea of me that they want.

Amena Brown:

Speak a word. Is it really me they want or is it the idea of me? Speak a word, Austin.

Austin Channing Brown:

Then I started doing other things too. There was a conference I went to recently where there was just a lot of conversation around race. They be doing the most job. And basically a professor had made an assertion that race is not about school issue. Talking about racial justice is like, "Listen, child." And I was like, "Okay." So to the conference planners where this was going to take place, I said, "Do you know what? I need all exits marked. I'ma need to know that security is in the room. I want to know if somebody makes a ruckus while I'm preaching. Which one are you white folks is going to get up and calm everybody down while I go head to seat? You don't want a public apology if something jumps off." You know what I mean?

Austin Channing Brown:

I just had some security measures and if they had written back and been like, "Oh, we don't think that's necessary. We're going to be fine." You know what I'm saying? If they didn't take it seriously, that would have been [inaudible 00:26:55]. So, I can be there via Skype. Would you like to have a Skype [inaudible 00:27:00]?

Amena Brown:

Because when I'm Skype, I'm safe. I can be someplace where I'm safe, so-

Austin Channing Brown:

The foolishness starts, you know what I'm saying?

Amena Brown:

Yes.

Austin Channing Brown:

And for that conversation she was like, "Oh my gosh." She's certainly was like, "I don't think anything would happen," but her next sentence was, "Here's your person. Here's... "

Amena Brown:

Thank you.

Austin Channing Brown:

When I arrived, she took me into the space where I was speaking so that I could see where the exits were. She just took it very seriously. So I'd be looking for signs that the white folks around me, the white folks in charge, the white folks who brought me in are taking my safety seriously.

Amena Brown:

Mm-hmm (affirmative). That's good.

Austin Channing Brown:

And sometimes I don't even make it about race, girlfriend. Sometimes I will even just be like, "You know what? I'm an introvert. I'm not going to be at that reception. I'm going to be at the hotel calling my boo and seeing how my son is doing." You know what I'm saying? And if they write back anything other than, "Oh, of course we completely understand. We're so grateful for your time." You know what I'm saying? If that ain't the response, then I know who I'm dealing with.

Amena Brown:

Mm-hmm (affirmative). Then all of a sudden you don't have time. Like you might've had time before that, but now you don't have time. Speaking of the ways that you use your voice and platform, which is one of the things that I just love about you as just a person, but I also-

Austin Channing Brown:

Girl, thanks.

Amena Brown:

... learn a lot from you. I will tell y'all, Austin Channing Brown is one of my favorite Twitter follows for a couple of reasons. Number one, because she is not here for the foolishness. I always appreciate that. I just have a strong appreciation for people that are not here for the foolishness, but also Austin, you do something that as a poet I do not do very well. I am a-

Austin Channing Brown:

[crosstalk 00:28:50]-

Amena Brown:

... super slow thinker. So-

Austin Channing Brown:

Changer.

Amena Brown:

... a current event might happen and then seven months later I'm like, "[crosstalk 00:29:00]."

Austin Channing Brown:

Shut up.

Amena Brown:

That has made me think about these things that I would like to write in a poem. Whereas the current event will have happened at 9:00 AM. Before 2:00 PM, Austin is on Twitter like a word about the such and such that just happened. Here is a Twitter toolbox for the ways that you can not be about the foolishness that happened this morning at the such and such. Here are some resources where you can think about reading that so that you will not be racist. Here are some things... Austin done gave these people-

Austin Channing Brown:

[crosstalk 00:29:39].

Amena Brown:

... the thread. You are-

Austin Channing Brown:

[crosstalk 00:29:42]-

Amena Brown:

... always killing the threads every time. I'll be on the thread like, "Yes. Hmm. Oh, that person tried to comment with the foolishness. Oh, Austin, not here for that? Oh, the people that follow Austin are not here for that? Okay. Scroll, scroll, scroll." I'm paying attention. So when you are using your voice in these ways to speak very plainly, very directly, very clearly against racism, against white supremacy... I want to start with, how did you know this is going to be a part of my messaging as a communicator? Because some people believe that those of us who are communicators, writers, speakers, artists, that really we create all these things, but underneath them, some people would say underneath them is really all the same message. That some people finding your calling is like that's what's underneath their message.

Amena Brown:

It really doesn't matter how many different retreats workshops, whatever they do, they're still coming back to sort of that message. And this seems to be one of those for you that we can, not only use our voices, but take action against racism and white supremacy. Do you feel like when you look back at your upbringing, you were always like, "This is the person that I was going to become and using my voice for this?" Or did another moment come in your life where you were like, "This is what I need to... If I'm going to put pen to paper, I need to write about this." If I'm going to be on Twitter-"

Austin Channing Brown:

Such a [crosstalk 00:31:13] question.

Amena Brown:

"... I need to tweet about this?" Did you have a moment like that this epiphany or did it just slowly evolve in a way for you?

Austin Channing Brown:

Being a communicator is something that I was just aware of as a child. I remember being a kid and when teachers very first start to ask questions about like what do you think questions, what do you think about this book, what do you think of... Right? I can remember raising my hand and my other classmates telling the teacher to call on me. You know what I mean?

Amena Brown:

Yes.

Austin Channing Brown:

Just really weird. I don't think that's normal. And my dad has this video. My dad used to do the camera for Sunday services to record Sunday services back in the VHS days.

Amena Brown:

Come on, VHS.

Austin Channing Brown:

So he would have to go early on Saturday mornings to set up the video camera and make sure everything was working properly. And he has this video of me I have no idea where it is, girl, but he has a video of me somewhere where I opened the hymn book and started reading it as if I was standing. Now we in the balcony, but I was reading it as if I was standing in the pulpit reading the Bible.

Amena Brown:

I love it. I'm here for it.

Austin Channing Brown:

So being a communicator has just always been in me and I've been very aware of it. I became a minister when I was 14. Became [inaudible 00:32:36] when I was 19, but it was in college when I really started to find my particular niche around justice and really developing that passion. So by that time that Twitter rolled around, I was not an early adopter of Twitter. And truth be told, the only reason I got on Twitter was because I had started my blog. One of my girlfriends was like, "Austin, I need to be able to share your blog via Twitter. I need you to be on Twitter so I can tag you and share this good blog." I was like, "I don't really get it. Isn't it just people talking about what they did all day?"

Amena Brown:

Same.

Austin Channing Brown:

I don't need to know who ate a chicken sandwich today. I just don't... How's this going to enrich my life? I don't understand. I really didn't get it. I don't understand Twitter at all, but I don't mind because I was like, "She said she needed me to... " So I was like, "Okay, cool." I fell in love with the Twitters. I like the challenge of it, particularly when it was still 140 characters. And I loved how concise I could be in a way that is very difficult honestly for me to be in person. So when I go somewhere and speak inevitably, child, somebody will walk up to me and be like, "That was not as hard as... " They searching for the word, but what they really trying to say is, "You are a lot nicer than I thought you'd be."

Amena Brown:

I'm nice, but I'm not nice about white supremacy. Get that straight and bring me some sweet tea.

Austin Channing Brown:

But I liked that about writing in general. I think it was where I figured that out that I liked that I can say the hard things because people are reading. You know what I mean? I'm not standing in nobody's face like, "You won't get rid of that white supremacy today." You know what I'm saying?

Amena Brown:

Right.

Austin Channing Brown:

I ain't doing no exorcisms, but when I write... People have a chance to process. They have a chance to... There's an emotional removal because I'm not standing in front of you. So it just feels like a space where I can be unadulterated in what I'm thinking and saying and just let the reader deal with that, handle that. I am drawn to folks who appreciate that. I am drawn to folks who are like, "Yes, give me more of that," or, "Oh, I didn't know that term. I'm so glad I have that term now" Or, "Dang! You just put language to how I was feeling and I couldn't explain it, but now that I have read this I'm like that's exactly it." So that's how I really fell in love with Twitter and decided to go a little harder in my writing than I do when I'm in person.

Amena Brown:

I want to give a special shout-out to your girlfriend that number one told you to blog and number two told you to get on Twitter. She is going to be a recipient of the She Did That award because we are appreciative that she encouraged you to do this. So-

Austin Channing Brown:

[crosstalk 00:35:35] I started any of this is because of a girlfriend. There was a girlfriend who told me I need to start a blog. There was the girlfriend who told me I had to be on Twitter. There was a girlfriend who took me to a meeting that she had with an editor and was like, "Yo, this girl, come write here too." Everything is because of a girlfriend.

Amena Brown:

I love that, Austin. I love it because I have such a great community of girlfriends too. I love those moments when I might text you out of the blue and be like, "Girl, such and such and such and such. What you think saying?" And we can just... Or those times that we see each other and you can just connect. But I love in particular when we can have a community of girlfriends that are sometimes seeing us-

Austin Channing Brown:

Far.

Amena Brown:

... listen past what we can see in ourselves that would push, push, push to be like, "Sis, you need to do this and you need to do that. Why don't you do this? Why are you not charging this?" Having girlfriends who are like that.

Austin Channing Brown:

I'm not even going to tell y'all how Amena be beating me up over ticket prices and what I need to be charging for stuff. I'm not even going to tell you. I'm just going to let that slide because Amena be-

Amena Brown:

[crosstalk 00:36:44]-

Austin Channing Brown:

"Get your girl." She be, "Getting your girl. I just want you to know." But that's what girlfriends are for, to remind you of how much you're worth.

Amena Brown:

Speak. Yes. Price is also going up for Austin Channing Brown next year. Okay. [crosstalk 00:36:57]. Whatever Amena is saying, I'm just letting y'all know. So I want to ask about your book process. You get to the point where you are like, "I'm going to write a book," but you obviously have this choice. You could write about anything you want. You could write in any form that you want, even with some of the content that you wrote about. It could have been more of a how to, it could have been more of something that we're going to be very research-based, but you chose the form of the memoir. I just feel endeared to that because I love to read memoir.

Amena Brown:

And it's also a similar forum that I chose for my book because I was sort of sitting at the beginning of that book process like, "What do I really have in my hand? I have that I'm a storyteller. I have that most strongly. And I would rather lean towards that and see what stories will come out." What was that moment like for you where you had the choice of form and you had the choice of content? How did you decide you would do the memoir and you would do the memoir sort of through this lens of black dignity?

Austin Channing Brown:

I actually pitched this book five years ago. At least five years, but I've lost track now. But pre-Black Lives Matter, pre-Ta-Nehisi Coates, pre-all this stuff that makes up our daily live experience right now, and child, those posters were like, "This whole book is about a white girl who touched your hair. Was you standing on a cliff when that happened? Did you almost get pushed off?" [inaudible 00:38:31] like, "Where is the life and death experience?" And I was, "Oh, okay." So child, by the time I circled back to running to print a book and having an agent and get my little proposal together, I must have written four or five proposals.

Amena Brown:

Wow.

Austin Channing Brown:

Were out trying on different voices like you just said, like, "Is this going to be the how to, is this going to be filled with research?" And child, I was like... I would get started and I would be like, "Hmm. But I am not a historian" Then I would scrap that and start a new one, I'd be like, "Ooh, but I'm not a theologian." So I was, "Scrap that." You know what I mean? But I'm not an academic. I don't even know how to cite this. [inaudible 00:39:15].

Amena Brown:

What cites?

Austin Channing Brown:

[crosstalk 00:39:18]-

Amena Brown:

Bring that word back. Yes.

Austin Channing Brown:

I got nothing. You know what I really did? Was I went back through my blog and took note of all the posts that I enjoyed writing and were popular.

Amena Brown:

Yeah, that's good. That's a good balance, popular and the things you enjoyed writing.

Austin Channing Brown:

[crosstalk 00:39:40]-

Amena Brown:

It's like [inaudible 00:39:41].

Austin Channing Brown:

And one of them was a post that's not super long than I did on Dajerria Becton when... She was the Black girl who got tossed around by the police at the swimming pool. I started that out by pretending that I was in the room when she was getting her hair braided. [inaudible 00:40:03] got her sitting between her auntie's knees and hearing the click of her aunties fingernails, braiding her hair down and how she got up and stretched and how they took a break and did whatever. No, danced around their room together. And then said... She got dressed for this pool party that she was all excited about that she got her hair braided for. And all of a sudden she was on the ground in the grass with a police officer in her back.

Austin Channing Brown:

Girl, that post just came out like just my connection to her as another Black girl just made that so easy to write emotional, but not how to write. And it was one of my most popular blog posts. That was when the light bulb went on like, "Oh, when I marry these small experiences that most black women can identify with, right? To these larger social issues, that's when I've struck gold." So ultimately that's what I ended up trying to do. Then when Coates came out and I was like, "Oh, well, if we can write about being a Black man from the hood, I think we should be able to be right about being a Black girl surrounded by white folks." That's what I think.

Amena Brown:

Speak a word.

Austin Channing Brown:

That's what I think. So it really did unfold, but it was a long process job. I easily spent a year just writing proposals, trying to figure out who I am as a writer.

Amena Brown:

I think I spent a long time on proposals too because part of the proposal process is this like, "What's my voice? Or, "What am I anticipating my voice is going to be" Because I have to say, even what I sent in as my proposal was in theory what this was going be. But how the book actually came out, that was its own thing. When I sat down to actually write the book and was like, "Oh, you don't want to be that thing that I wrote in here? You want to be something else." So I need to let you be yourself while I learn to be myself. It was an interesting-

Austin Channing Brown:

That's real.

Amena Brown:

... interesting relationship with your book and with how in particular... And you'll have to tell me if this is your experience too, in particular when you are writing these personal stories of your own life experience. That there are some ways that writing healed me, like sealed up some places where I had been wounded. There were some places where it changed me, totally transformed me in some ways that I just couldn't even account for until the book had been out. And I was like, "I'm somebody different than I was when I first sat down to figure out what this was going to be." I mean, I know we're right here as your book is launching, but do you feel some of that sort of transformation in you as a writer in your voice? Do you feel any of that as you're thinking back now on the writing process of your book?

Austin Channing Brown:

I did because I think my voice was very teachery before... Because I had been doing workshops and even if you look, I haven't deleted any of my blog posts. If you go back to the very beginning, they're very teacherisk. And like, "Here's step one," or, "Here's a great metaphor for how to think about this. Come along on the journey." And girl, the closer we get to Black Lives Matter, the more that disappears. You know what I mean? But [crosstalk 00:43:30]-

Amena Brown:

You're about to get no steps there.

Austin Channing Brown:

But then when writing the book, I think what was transformative for me was making declarative sentences because I had to think about whether or not I would still be standing by those declarative sentences a year from now or two years from now or three years from now. So I want to give myself grace in that there may be things in this book that I decided to change 10 years from now and be like, "You know what? That's what I thought then." But I have grown, I have evolved. But on a whole I had to really ask myself, "Do I find white people exhausting? Yes I do." And that just had to be a sentence in the book, but it was that declarative sentence like, "This is what I think today. I'm knowing what I know." Right? "Knowing what I know, this is what I think today." That was transformative for me to think about what I believe, what I'm willing to declare.

Amena Brown:

I love the way you're describing that declarative moment because I think that is also a moment of reminding ourselves of our dignity when we are able to make these statements with no equivocations, with no apologies that this is what it is, this is how it happened, how it happens. Like this. Period. And let the space be there.

Austin Channing Brown:

Exactly.

Amena Brown:

There's a lot of power to that. I want to ask along those lines, you have a whole chapter on creative anger in this book, which I love so much because within the last month in my various conversations with black women, some of it has been with just professionally other women who are author speaker, performer world. And some of it has just been with girlfriends and there are so many moments that the phrase, "Well, I was going to do this," or, "I was going to say this, but I didn't want to be that Angry Black Woman.

Austin Channing Brown:

Yeah, Angry Black Woman.

Amena Brown:

I used to fight against it like, "Hey, I am not that Angry Black Woman. I can communicate these things and do these things without roaring about everything. I can do it." And now I'm like, "Sometimes I am Angry Black Woman and I have a right to be angry."

Austin Channing Brown:

[crosstalk 00:46:04]-

Amena Brown:

It is not wrong or bad for me to be angry and for me to express my anger. So yes, sometimes an Angry Black Woman and sometimes I'm hurt and I'm disappointed. And that by itself makes me mad about whatever the injustice is that has happened. But it's interesting to me that many of us as Black women are still trying to-

Austin Channing Brown:

Undo that.

Amena Brown:

Yes, to undo that thing that we learned. I loved that in this chapter... Which I want y'all to check out Austin's book because you talked about how that anger can be useful. I love just the idea of creative anger. Talk to me more about that.

Austin Channing Brown:

Yeah. In college I was definitely that girl who was... I don't think I ever, ever thought about myself as being angry. It wasn't even that I put anger away, it was just so communicated to me that you have to speak in a certain way in order for white folks to hear you that I totally bypassed my own emotional needs and went right to, "Okay. Well, getting this fixed is more important, right? So let me go ahead and talk about maybe how much I'm hurting or... " You know what I mean? Like, "Let me be sad," or like, "Let me try on any other emotion basically other than anger since anger will be dismissed." And I'd be angry.

Amena Brown:

Sis.

Austin Channing Brown:

I'd be angry.

Amena Brown:

Rightfully so.

Austin Channing Brown:

Rightfully so. That was something that I had been thinking about again, especially through Black Lives Matter and all these videos and the number of times that I find myself angry on a very regular basis. I was like, "You know what? I think I'm kind of intimate with my anger. We spent a lot of time together. We'd be sitting on the couch and things." So-

Amena Brown:

Yes. Anger, would you like some popcorn?

Austin Channing Brown:

[crosstalk 00:47:56]-

Amena Brown:

Come here, Anger, get you a snack.

Austin Channing Brown:

So I picked up Sister Outsider, which is a book that I had been meaning to read forever. Finally got around to it and got to uses of anger, the essay called uses of anger and I was like, "Ahh, what?" when I say revelation... And I'm almost ashamed to be like, "It was a revelation," but it was. I'm going to just be honest, it was a revelation to me when Audre Lorde says... And forgive me for paraphrasing here. But when she says anger is evidence that an injustice has occurred. Anger is evidence that something's not right here and it can be fueled when channeled correctly. It can be fueled for making things right. And I was like, "[inaudible 00:48:52]."

Austin Channing Brown:

I had to really pause and think about how many things Black folks, Black women create that started off with anger. You know what I'm saying? I'm real upset that all these Black girl ballerinas out here wearing nude whatever ain't nude for them, you know what I'm saying? Somebody got a little upset. So some Black girls said, "You know what? We going to fix that? We going to get some Black girl new jade's, that's what we going to do." You know what I'm saying?

Amena Brown:

Yes.

Austin Channing Brown:

There's so many things. I just be like, "I'm tired of being left out. I'm tired of being unseen. I'm tired." Right? The whole Black Lives Matter organizing is essentially rooted in anger and not just anger of and dignity and a whole lot of other things. But [inaudible 00:49:48] I'm about to sit here and pretend like we wasn't and also angry about Trayvon and about Zimmerman getting off. You know what I'm saying? We ain't going to sit around here and pretend anger doesn't also fuel action. So I think about anger very, very differently.

Austin Channing Brown:

And even when I wrote that chapter, girl, I started to try to document even in my own life things that I did that initially were out of anger. Which [inaudible 00:50:17] I wrote that were initially out of anger, what groups I started on my college campus because I was angry about something that happened, what meetings I attended because we were angry about an injustice or a crisis or... You know what I'm saying? I was like, "My life is filled with examples of the usefulness of anger, but [inaudible 00:50:39] need Audre Lorde in order to bring that into my conscience.

Amena Brown:

Yeah. It's so powerful. I think it's so powerful to be able to take something that we learn to diminish, that we learn to compartmentalize it. And even the image of you saying like, "Me and anger are friends. We hang out or we... "

Austin Channing Brown:

Yes, we do.

Amena Brown:

Sort of we get to invite these parts of ourselves that we were told to shut out and shut down and not acknowledge and not love. That we [crosstalk 00:51:13]-

Austin Channing Brown:

Well, because the first thing we're told, especially as Black women, is that we're being divisive, that we're not being unifying, that this is the opposite of love, right? The world is quick to tell us why our anger is destructive and only destructive. So it was a real gift to my life for Audre to say to me, not so. It could be if you allow it to be. It could be, but it doesn't have to be. Your anger is not inherently bad.

Amena Brown:

That's so good and so healing. Hearing you repeat that right now, it's healing for me to hear and I think it's going to be healing for so many people listening to. One of the things I wanted to bring up that I loved in your book is you described justice work as holy. I love that because it's so true. It's so true if we are in whatever arena space, whatever area we find ourselves in, if we are using our voice, using our resources, using our influence to help see justice in particular for people who have been marginalized and have been oppressed that that is holy work. I think that's so important.

Austin Channing Brown:

It's so transformative. I mean, it transforms you, it transforms the other, it transforms our relationships. It transforms your worldview. It transforms your theology. Nothing stays the same. It is such holy intimate work because it forces you to ask some new questions about yourself, about your people, about your God, about your community. I think that's what... So I used to lead short-term mission trips on the West side of Chicago and, child, I did my best to shed some light. And it was mostly teenagers. I had this one parent who... We used to give out surveys at the end and I was going through the surveys and all the surveys said parent or child or whatever. So the parent had written, this was really interesting, but I'm concerned that you have opened Pandora's box for my child.

Amena Brown:

Huh?

Austin Channing Brown:

I was like-

Amena Brown:

Did I open it or-

Austin Channing Brown:

Interesting.

Amena Brown:

... [crosstalk 00:53:47] open? I'm trying to-

Austin Channing Brown:

Right. And, girl, I couldn't even be offended, right? That seems like a really accurate metaphor. It is [inaudible 00:53:57]. Your child is going to be asking all kinds of new questions, your child is going to look at the news differently, your child is going to listen to the pastor differently, your child is going to be sitting at your dining room table asking some new questions like you're right. I think I did just open the Pandora's box.

Amena Brown:

Then you were like, "Good luck with that."

Austin Channing Brown:

[inaudible 00:54:17]. See you next summer. But I continue to be intrigued by the ways that I am changed by the work that I do, by the people that I encounter, by this new language, by the ways of reading the word, the prayers that I pray. I understand why people resist it. I understand why people resist and I understand why other folks try to contain it so that it's only gender justice or only justice for black folks or only... You know what I mean?

Amena Brown:

Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Austin Channing Brown:

Honestly because justice for one eventually invites the question justice for who else. And it becomes transformative very, very quickly. So I do. I think it is really the holy work.

Amena Brown:

The title of your book being I'm Still Here, which I love that, and something about being here is being present. It's being whole. It is fighting for justice and joy. What does your process look like to remain whole as sometimes you're speaking such a direct truth to people and sometimes you may be in a space where you're saying that truth to someone who has not been willing to let that in and that makes them act out because they don't even... They're like, "Well, I don't know how to process that," or, "I'm thinking I might know how and I don't want to, so this is how I respond to that."

Amena Brown:

I have this two-part question. One, how in the face of that, in the face of even when you're on Twitter you're speaking about things that happen repeatedly, you're watching what happens to the Black body in violence repeatedly, how do you find wholeness and healing as this a part of your work as a practitioner? Then what would you say for black people and maybe people of color in general that are in predominantly white space that are facing racism every day, that are facing some head-on aggressions every day? How can Black people and people of color remain whole and healed in the process too?

Austin Channing Brown:

I think the first answer for me personally changes based on the season and based on what's happening. I know that's like cheating, but I'm learning it's the truth. I'm a human being. So my son was just born about seven months ago and my ability to read headlines has declined sharply or all I can read is the headline. I have a vague idea of what's happening, but I cannot open the story. I can't watch the video. I can't do it. I'm so tender right now and spending so much time thinking about his life and his future and what I want for him. And it's too closely linked, you know what I mean? To like read that story and to try to resist the thought that I might have to insert my son's name in that story. It's too close right now.

Austin Channing Brown:

So I find myself staying aware of what's happening, but not diving into it right now. Knowing that there are other Black women and other Black folks who can, who [inaudible 00:57:56] space and who do have. And so part of it is realizing that I'm not the only voice out here speaking about racial injustice. You know what I mean? There are other times when... Like when Dajerria Becton happened, I just cried and that's just what my body needed. My body just needed to cry and I needed to be honest about my connection to the offense that she suffered as she lay on that ground and cried for her mother in embarrassment and in shame and in healing. I just so connected with that sound in her voice, right? That desperation in her voice for that to come to an end, for somebody to come rescue her, for somebody to come protect her. So in that instance all I could do was cry.

Austin Channing Brown:

Obviously writing is often how I try and process and make sense and reassert dignity. After Charleston, I had to go back to my home church because I was so devastated by my fear of walking into a church that I was like, "You know what? I'm not even just going to go to any church." That day I went to our church. That weekend, that following weekend, I went back to my home church with my father. So it's spending a lot of time being self-aware. I think if I had to boil down, being aware of what I need, being aware of how much of the pain I can contain and then figuring out how to release that, whether that's through writing or through a conversation with a girlfriend or finding each other on Twitter. You know what I mean? I feel like we've figured out some new ways to take each other.

Austin Channing Brown:

I can't even remember which verdict it was, but I remember Black Twitter was basically like, "Okay, so all day today while we were waiting for this verdict, we going to drink water, we going to have tissues ready." Do you know what I mean? But there was a checklist. We all knew we was going to be sitting in front of the TV waiting for this verdict to come through. So I just really appreciate the ways that we're learning how to process through this and not just pretending we're immune from the work. Then for the second half of your question, so I have this small, teeny-tiny little section in the book called How to Survive Racism at an Organization that Claims to be Antiracist.

Amena Brown:

Speak a word today, Austin. Speak a word.

Austin Channing Brown:

Because so often... First of all, we do be trying to vet the organizations and figure out who's for real about this inclusion life and we still get disappointed because it's racism even at these organizations that claim to want antiracism and racial [inaudible 01:00:35] and whatever they want to call it. And it's love out here. So a few things that come to mind, one is to not go into the organization believing that you have to change everything. Because there's something about even that language where... Because we want to participate, right? We want to participate in change. We want to be a part of movements. We want to be a part of doing something good. So when folks start using that language, we get really attracted to it and then find out that it's all on us and that ain't right. That ain't right. It ain't right. That ain't the way to change an organization.

Austin Channing Brown:

So that would be another one I would say to spend your first year trying to find your allies. Don't do nothing [inaudible 01:01:23] until you figure out who your allies really are, who's coming at good funding who called you when the latest crisis happened, who brought you some food, who wrote a post on their own website, who goes hard on Facebook. You know what I'm saying? Who is out [inaudible 01:01:44] really living this life that you can connect with so that you're not doing this work by yourself, right? And build up your little coalition so that you're not alone. And if you find that you are alone, I'ma need you to get out.

Amena Brown:

They want you to be in this sunken place, right?

Austin Channing Brown:

Don't be in this sunken place y'all please. Now that comes with a game plan, right? Most of us can not just be out here quitting our jobs when somebody makes us upset. I understand that. That's not what I'm saying, but there is no such thing as an exit strategy. How many for you to be out here looking for this new job is going to be thinking about this entrepreneurship life? I'ma [inaudible 01:02:22] you to be... Every organization ain't like the one you in, so maybe we can hop over to somebody else who's starting networking stuff. Where might you be safer? Where might you just be more safe and being ready and willing to move? Especially with our generation, child, we ain't about to retire from no place after being there for 30-some years. That's not the life we live in.

Austin Channing Brown:

And since that's the reality right now that comes with some hard things too, but the beautiful thing about that is that you can move. That's not unusual. That's not weird. Ain't nobody going to look at your resume and be like, "Oh, you ain't work no place for 20 years. I don't know what to expect all that." So it gives some freedom too that if you can see that the organization has gone as far as it's willing to go or you are being too harmed, then it might be time to make that move.

Amena Brown:

Oh, that's some good advice. Come through. Well, Austin, please tell the people, first of all, how they can get ahold to this book because the book is out now? I know y'all can't see me, but I'm doing my out now hands. I'm blinking my hands out now. You can get this book wherever the books be at.

Austin Channing Brown:

[inaudible 01:03:36] books. Yeah, wherever-

Amena Brown:

So where can people get these things?

Austin Channing Brown:

[crosstalk 01:03:41] get your book.

Amena Brown:

Where can they learn more about you as well if they want to follow you and learn more from you as well as access this book? What are the things? Tell me the things.

Austin Channing Brown:

So any place you like to get your books, please feel free to get this book. I personally would love if you asked your local independent bookstore to bring this book in or order it from them. That would be amazing. But if you got to get your Amazon on, you know what I'm saying? Do you, boo. Then I've got that good website, austinchanning.com. Then we already talked about how much I love the Twitters, which is @austinchanning. I also do have Instagram also @austinchanning. Then my Facebook is my whole name, Austin Channing Brown.

Amena Brown:

This week's edition of Give Her A Crown, a segment in which I like to give a shout-out to a woman of color that is inspiring me doing amazing work in the world. This week I want to give a special shout-out to Tamika Mallory. I want to give her a crown because as we are watching such a needed and continued global uprising happen in America as a part of the Black Lives Matter movement and as a part of seeing racial justice happen for Black people in America. Tamika Mallory is one of the voices and leaders at the front line of this movement. She is using her voice, using her body to community organized, to be an activist. I want to give a shout-out to her organization Until Freedom.

Amena Brown:

If you are looking for an organization to give to that is doing frontline justice work, to not only ensure that all black lives matter, but especially to ensure that the names of the Black women and Black trans women whose lives have been lost as well are continued to be uplifted and that justice is served for them as well. So, Tamika Mallory, let's give her a crown. HER with Amena Brown is produced by Matt Owen for Sol Graffiti Productions as a part of the Seneca Women Podcast Network in partnership with iHeartRadio. Thanks for listening. Don't forget to subscribe, rate and review the podcast.

Transcript: HER With Amena Brown bonus episode

Amena Brown:

Welcome to HER With Amena Brown, a production of the Seneca Women Podcast Network and iHeart Radio. I'm your host, Amena Brown, and each week I'm bringing you hilarious storytelling and soulful conversation while centering the stories of Black, Indigenous, Latinx, and Asian women. Join me as we remind each other to access joy, affect change, and be inspired.

Amena Brown:

Welcome to this bonus episode of Her With Amena Brown. For this episode, I wanted to give you a little bit of a window of what some of my stage performances are like, and this is actually one of my favorite stories of all time to tell on stage. You are hearing a recording from me performing at one of Atlanta's fantastic venues, Eddie's Attic, and just know, as of this recording, we are still in a global pandemic and I miss the stage so bad, so I thought that we could all reminisce on what it was like when you could be in a venue and hear someone performing.

Amena Brown:

For me as a performer, getting to hear everyone laughing, gasping, however they respond. This story is as a reflection on the amazing things that I get to learn from my grandmother. My grandma is wonderfully inappropriate, as you should be when you are in your 80s. This story that I'm telling right now on stage is me talking about when I was bringing my now husband, then boyfriend, home to meet my mom and my grandma and what my grandma's subsequent relationship advice was. Check it out.

Amena Brown:

I love my grandma because, I don't know if you get a chance to hang around with people who are 85, but it is amazing the ways that when you're 85, you lose some concerns about the ways people might feel about the things that you want to say right now. You just need to go ahead and tell them the truth, that you're going to let them work it out, how they feel about it. Like, I'll go to visit my grandma and she'll be like, "Mena, how you doing baby?" I'll be like, "I'm doing good, grandma." She'd be like, "That's good. I want you to keep doing that, and when you exercise, do some of these."

Amena Brown:

I'll be like, did my grandma just tell me to work on my midsection, with a smile though? I don't know. I don't know how to do. I don't know what to do about that. When I was 25, I went to my grandma and I said, "Look, grandma, if the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, not going to get there. I'm not going to get there like this, because I got spaghetti, got meatloaf. Is tuna fish, does that count as a thing? I got spaghetti. That's all I have grandma. You need to tell me."

Amena Brown:

Over the years, she's been taking me in her kitchen, showing me how to make some of the soul food staples. Showing me how to make the collard greens, the mac and cheese, some of these Southern things, the rutabaga, some of y'all like, what's that? Search this, because it's delicious. You need to be a part of it. It's a turnip. It's amazing. You could turn up and turnip. Okay.

Amena Brown:

By the time I started dating my now-husband, grandma got me educated on some things, so I'm kind of feeling prepared, but I go to her and my mom and I'm like, "Look, I done met this man, and I want to bring him to y'all to have dinner," so this is immediately like a, "Hmm. She's never brought a man here to have dinner with us. What does this mean?" Right? Take Matt over there. My mom inspects him. She asks him all the Godfather Corleone questions necessary.

Amena Brown:

My grandma's all in his business. Kind of flirting with him a little bit, but we'll talk about that later. Dinner goes great. Everyone's happy with one another. Matt and I get engaged. My grandma at this time decides to start giving me relationship advice. Every time I see her, she's like, "Sit down, baby, got something to tell you." I'm like, "Tell me?" I'm like, "I just got back from the mall, grandma. I bought this, did that, the third." She's like, "Oh, did she buy Matt something?"

Amena Brown:

"But I was buying a dress for myself." "Well, I know you did that, but did you buy Matt something? What'd you have for lunch?" "Well, I had salmon. I went to Fresh to Order." "Oh, that's good. Did you order Matt something?" I don't know if y'all have the kind of grandma that like be shading you, but she looking at something else. That's how my grandma is. She'd be like, "I want to know, did Matt get something to eat?"

Amena Brown:

This one particular day, I come in and she's like, "Mena, we got to talk." I'm like, I'm sitting down at the kitchen table, like, "What's going on?" She's like "Mena, I'm going to tell you something. Don't kiss Matt too hard." There's a moment in your relationship to your family members where you're trying to understand if you should let curiosity carry you down a road, because I'm a very nosy person, so I'm immediately like, "What's this? Tell me more."

Amena Brown:

But then there's another part of me that's like, is my grandma about to tell me something that I can't unknow? Like, once she say it, I can't unknow it, I can't unsee it, but I'm like, I'm going with it. I'm like, "Grandma, why can't I kiss Matt too hard?" She's like, "I'm trying to explain to you that white people bruise easy." For those of y'all that haven't seen The Color Purple, there's a scene in The Color Purple where Celie is about to shave Mister, and some of y'all are like, I don't know what this is. We really want you to Google this. There's like a whole lexicon of things you're missing out on.

Amena Brown:

But those of you that have seen it, follow me. Okay? Celie is about to shave Mister. This is straight razor shave, where you sharpen the straight razor on the leather strap. Okay? And for various and sundry reasons, I don't want to spoil the plot for you, Celie has reason to not shave Mister and do other things with the straight razor instead. Okay? Shug Avery is in a field of lavender flowers, painting her nails. Things I wish I could do. As she's painting her nails, she realizes its time for Celie to shave Mister.

Amena Brown:

She realizes that Celie might kill Mister, so she starts running, and you hear all the African drums and Shug's trying to catch Celie, because she don't Celie to catch a case over this man. My mom is basically Shug Avery in this scenario. Okay? My mom is running from the back of her place to try to catch my grandma before my grandma say something we can't unsee. Right? My mom, like Shug, when Shug make it to Celie, She catch Celie wrist right before Celie was about the shave Mister.

Amena Brown:

My mom walk in, she like, "Mom, you don't need to tell Mena she can't kiss Matt too hard. They about to get married. She can kiss Matt as hard as she want to." Here go my grandma, "She better watch it, right here." Y'all, I love my grandma. I hope that grandma's story gave you a good laugh. I have many more grandma stories to tell.

Amena Brown:

Plus, I have a lot of great guests to bring to you, a lot of thoughtful, and what I hope is hilarious content to bring you, so I cannot wait for you to check out these next episodes of HER With Amena Brown. Stay tuned. HER With Amena Brown is produced by Matt Owen for Sol Graffiti Productions, as a part of the Seneca Women Podcast Network, in partnership with iHeart Radio. Thanks for listening, and don't forget to subscribe, rate, and review the podcast.

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Transcript: HER With Amena Brown trailer

HER with Amena Brown is a weekly show brought to you by Seneca Women Podcast Network and iHeart Radio.  I’m your host Amena Brown and each week I’m bringing you hilarious storytelling and soulful conversation while centering the stories of Black, Indigenous, Latinx, and Asian women. 

HER with Amena Brown is a living room where I invite you to hear new perspectives, poetic readings of things you never thought could be poetic, and celebrating women of color who because of their contributions to the world and their community are deserving of a crown.

Each week we are going to laugh, consider and reflect upon the times. Plus I’m really excited to bring women of color who are artists, authors, businesswomen, inventors, and leaders in every sector into our living room so we can learn from their expertise and have the honor of hearing their stories. Join me as we remind each other to access joy, affect change and be inspired. Listen to HER with Amena Brown on the iHeartRadio App, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

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